Blog ethics

Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on August 18th, 2006

Two guys stopped me yesterday when I was out walking with Bastardface.

“Twenty Major?”, they said.

“Yes”, I said. “Who wants to know?”

“I’m Herzberg, he’s Efroim. We need to talk to you.”

“Well, we’re talking now, aren’t we?”

“Good point. Anyway, let’s walk and talk. It’s less conspicuous that way.”

“Indeed, because three men standing and talking is much more conspicuous than three men walking and talking.”

“Look, we’re with Mossad. We read your blog and we love that bit about you saying Muslims shouldn’t be allowed on commercial flights.”

“Right. And?”

“Well, that would be really, like, sweet, if that happened and we need you to say it again.”

“Muslims shouldn’t be allowed on commercial flights.”

“Not now. On your blog.”

“But I’ve already said it. I really do try, despite what some people might think, not to be repetitive. Why would I say it again?”

“Because we’ll pay you. A large sum of money each month and we’ll ensure you get massive readership through our super-secret computer department which actually controls all the computers in the world. But don’t tell anyone about that.”

“I’m not sure I’m the man you’re looking for really.”

“No, Mr Major. You are. We’ve studied all the blogs in all the world and you’ve got the chutzpah we need to bring about this momumental and absolutely necessary change to modern society. You’re a blog maven.”

“So, what you’re saying is you’ll pay me loads of money to spout the same crap over and over again and boost my readership so I can make a fortune from Google ads and eventually be so enormously popular I might be able to launch my own range of Cafépress merchandise?”

“You’ve got it.”

“Fair enough. I can’t see a downside.”

“Hurrah”, said Herzberg.

“Mazel Tov”, said Efroim. “You won’t regret this. Soon everyone will know your name. You will go down in history. Your Wikipedia entry will be long and full of people disputing its authenticity and its facts. You’ll be in text books. You’ll be right up there with Andrew Sullivan!”

“Andrew Sullivan? Fuck that then.”

I set the dog on them.