On Irish blogs
Irish blogs aren’t as big as the big American blogs, so it’s said.
Frankly, I’m shocked. I was sure people writing about Bertie Ahern, Gerry Adams and how shit our hospitals are would have just as much relevance to a world audience as the war in Iraq, the Israeli/Lebanon conflict, the war on terror and George W Bush.
So how do we improve the Irish blogosphere and bring it more mainstream? Some suggestions:
1 - Every single Irish blogger should turn off their comments and write opinionated, politically charged posts. Then whenever anyone wants to respond they have to write a blog post of their own. Considering there must be thousands of comments on Irish blogs daily this increase in posting would make the Irish blogosphere the most prolific in the world thus garnering lucrative advertising and sponsorship deals for nearly every blogger.
2 - Bloggers must engage in clever marketing. If sitting beside a commuter reading a newspaper, the arch-enemy of the Irish blog, the blogger should hand over a business card with their web address on it and say “Dear sir or madam, I may or may not comment on some of the stories in that newspaper. If I gain enough readers maybe I can make the newspaper redundant and you can read my blog instead. Of course you’d have nothing to read on the DART each morning but hey, at least Irish blogs are relevant now”.
3 - The next time a blogger is on the radio and the presenter says “So what is a blog?”, pronouncing the word ‘blog’ like it was a piece of shit with corn in it they’d just seen a handicapped person dump on the floor, the blogger should respond “Oh for fuck’s sake we must have told you this a million fucking times, you cunts.”
Think of the publicity.
4 - Irish bloggers need to make and break news. Where are the Dan Rather scandals of the Irish blogosphere? A dedicated blogger would stalk politicians and their aides looking for stray scraps of paper that might suggest shady dealings.
“Meet Dunner in Bruxelles later to discuss bribes situation. CJH”.
It’s bound to pay off some time and the fact you’ve got restraining order and been fired for not going to work for 5 weeks won’t matter.
5 - Lobby for more immigrants. Irish blogs lag behind American and UK blogs simply because they have more people in their countries. There’s an easy solution, let more people into Ireland.
It would spark a housing boom which means there’d be loads more builders being paid in cash and standing the AIB in Rathmines every Friday with a wad of cash that they then put right back into the economy by going to the Lower Deck and getting fucking shitfaced which means more Chinese lounge girls are needed which means more people smugglers are required and soon the population will be sky-rocketing which means more people will read blogs.
Clever blogs would give away Irish passports as prizes on their sites.
6 - Let’s make Irish politics more interesting for the rest of the world by invading the Isle of Man. Let’s say we suspected they had weapons of mass destruction or bleat about regime change. Then all the ginger people in the Irish army can perform acts of atrocity upon the locals, Bertie can get his mates building firm to do all the repairs, Brian Cowen can skillfully evade difficult questions and all the while we’ll rape them for their greatest natural resource. The TT race track which we’ll bring back and put down in place of Mondello.
Then Potatopundit, the Daily K’Os and Meathithiannotes can rule the blogging world.
All we need is a little imagination, folks.
