The Tour de France needs more drugs, not less…

Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on July 28th, 2006

Oooh, the winner of the Tour de France tested positive for drugs. The sport is weeping as it was doing so much to clean up its image. People are devestated.

People are fucking fools.

I’m sure most of us have ridden a bike at some time. We all have stories of steep hills we had to climbs up.

“I remember how hard it was to cycle up the mountain to that pirate radio station when I was 16″

“I’ll never forget the hill I had to cycle up to get home through the houses. I remember trying to pedal but forgetting how when I was so drunk and falling off and landing on my snot”

If ordinary people like me and me have such problems cycling up relatively small hills how the fuck do you think it feels to pedal up the side of the Pyrenees then up the other side of Alps?

If someone had offered me drugs to get to the top of the hill where my house/pirate radio station used to be I’d have bitten their hands off. What do they expect when they make these poor fuckers cycle 150 miles a day for three weeks?

It’s no wonder they use drugs because if they didn’t the Tour would finish with 0 riders in Paris and that’s not really the spectacle the people who lines the streets of the Champs Elysee want to see.

They need to accept that making people cycle around the highest mountains in Europe for 21 days is actually as cruel an event as you could possibly get and that the blokes that do it deserve to power themselves however they see fit.

Yes, we would see serious advances in drugs that can keep you going all night so it’s not just professional cycling that will benefit. It’s club goers, nightclub owners, people who take lots of drugs and truck drivers. They need to see the bigger picture here.

Soon there will be super-drugs that will enable even the man on the street the take them and be able to bomb up the Alpe d’Huez and the Col d’Izoard.

Cyclists will be the fastest non-engine powered sportsmen on earth. If they take the drugs away they’re going to make it ordinary and let’s face it, they’re never going to get rid of the problem from the sport so they need to embrace narcotics, level the playing field and make the sport interesting again.

“Bags of speed. Get yer bags of speed, 5 for 50.”