“They’re the best days of your life”, people will say.
Of course they’re talking absolute shite because the best days of your life are when you have money to do stuff and buy things and take things that make you see things and you don’t have to get up for work the next day.
Some school stuff is funny though.
Like Colin McNamara putting his hand up in class and saying “Father, I don’t feel well.”
“You look fine to me”, said Father O’Malley.
“No, really. I have a terrible pain.”
“Where?”
“In my …erm… stomach.”
“Right. Shut up, McNamara.”
15 minutes later.
“Father, please. Can I go to a doctor? It really hurts.”
“SHUT UP, MCNAMARA OR I’LL MOLEST YOU.”
“Ummff”, said McNamara as the blood drained from his face.
About 10 minutes later McNamara slumps from his desk to the floor. Father O’Malley realises there might actually be something wrong with him. He kicks him a bit till he wakes up and tells him to go to the office and to ring a parent to bring him home.
Despite not being able to walk very well he leaves the room. When he returns to school 14 days later we discover he twisted one of his testicles and was sitting in agony all that time. He had 30 stitches in his sac too, according to him and when he was getting them out he got a massive boner when the nurse was in front of him and she whacked the top of his knob with a wooden spoon.
Then there was Jim O’Leary who was quite mad and wore an eye patch because he had a lazy eye. You never see kids with eye patches these days. I suppose they’ve realised it’s just a better idea to give the little fuckers glasses rather than cover up the one eye they can actually see with.
There was another guy in the class called Kevin something, I can’t remember the surname, but he was a pain the arse. I suppose in hindsight he wasn’t really a bad bloke but when you’re 12 or 13 you’re much less tolerant.
Standing outside during break one day Kevin had his back to O’Leary who took advantage of this by taking out his langer and pissing all down Kevin’s leg. Maybe one of us should have said something but it was too funny.
Not as funny as seeing Kevin with one steaming hot leg chasing after O’Leary who was still trying to put his lad away.
Then there was the history teacher who fell to the ground clutching his heart and started foaming at the mouth. He had a heart attack and died right in front of us. Hilarious. Apart from the fact that Richard Byrne was traumatised and wet himself. Sorry, that just made it more hilarious but smellier.
What about your school days?