The worst thing I have ever seen in my life
Posted on | May 4, 2006 | No Comments
I have seen some terrible things in my time. I have seen more Tom Hanks films than I really should have, I’ve seen a man jump from a tall building and splat into the ground. I was once crossing to go to Freebird records just by O’Connell Bridge and you know that bit where you cross a little bit then the rest? Well, I was beside an old lady who seemed to forget there was traffic coming and she stepped into the path of a lorry which knocked her down as far as the IFSC.
I’ve seen images of war which would turn your stomach. I’ve seen seen Dirty Dave naked … erm… excuse me, I just got a little bit sick all over my keyboard even thinking about it. Somebody once sent me a midget clown porn video and that, I really thought, was the worst thing I would ever see in my life.
That was until yesterday. When I saw this.
This is Ireland’s Eurovision Song Contest entry. Now, if you thought there was no possible way of topping last year’s entry when we sent over a special needs brother and sister then think again.
It’s Belfast crooner, Brian Kennedy, and a whole range of simpletons singing along with him. I’m not even sure I have the words to describe how bad it is. What I am sure of though is that it is, without question, the worst thing I have ever seen in my entire life.
I mean, who are those fucking morons in the car and in the nightclub with him obviously miming along at the same time? What are they supposed to be? It’s not as if they’re trying to be backing vocalists because they’re singing along with what he’s singing. As well as that he seems to have just picked them up, like some kind of Mafia don, from the middle of a street as they looked at their map. Somebody needs to write to the Rough Guide and advise backpackers that if a dark car/jeep pulls up and offers you a lift do not get into it as you may be roped into acting like a fucking simpering moron with Brian Kennedy. He prowls the streets of small town Ireland preying on unsuspecting tourists.
I hope they were paid a large amount of money for that because the shame they have brought upon themselves and their families is immeasurable, especially the bloke.
And there’s two girls and one guy. Either they’re a happy little threesome or we’re supposed to believe that yer man is interested in the other one. Come on. We’re not fucking stupid.
Then comes the piece de resistance. We move from a nightclub where they’re drinking Guinness to Glendalough – how Oirish!! – with Kennedy in a camel coloured coat and the three of them following him again. If that was me I’d have pretended to go to the bog in the club and escaped out the window or glassed myself in the face repeatedly till I bled to death.
He then shows how interested he is in the other girl by hugging a stone wall.
I swear I could live another 100 years and I’d never see anything this bad again. Nothing can top this. Nothing.
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