TV3 news is fucking shit.
I know this is hardly breaking news but I watched their 5.30 bulletin yesterday and was compelled to write about it. Having a bit of background in journalism myself (I have a wealth of experience in many areas, dontcha know) it is almost like watching some kind of broadcasting diploma class get their own TV station for a week. That’s what their news would look like except it probably wouldn’t be as bad.
They reported on the bus crash in Offaly yesterday in which a 15 year old boy was killed and lots of others injured. A serious thing. A tragic thing for the family of the boy in question as he was an only child. The reporter, Jerome Hughes I think his name was, finished one section of his report as such:
The impact on the roof of the bus was terrible but not as terrible as the impact that losing a life will be on this community.
Now there’s a time and place for word play and even a time and place for corny segues into the next part of a report but this line was delivered deadpan with a shot of the crumpled bus lying on its roof with the back wheels 10 yards away. My toes curled. Fucking hell.
Then they cut away to one of the hospitals where the injured were taken and showed us one of the young lads on the bus break down in tears. Cretinous, tabloid journalism at its worst. We know they’re upset, you shitehawks. They’ve seen a schoolmate die and others get injured and they’ve been involved in a traumatic incident, you don’t need to show us the poor bloke crying. Have a bit of fucking common sense and decency.
Then, because they obviously hadn’t got enough stories about no-mark celebrities or kittens stuck in trees, they went back to Jerome Hughes live and he was interviewing an ambulance officer. This is the question he asked them - “So how important is it that you guys keep your cool in situations like this?”
Fuck me. How the guy resisted the urge to say “Well, it’s hard but we find running around screaming “OH JESUS LOOK AT HIS LEG! IT’S FUCKED. AND OH, THAT BLOKE’S GUTS ARE COMING OUT OF HIS ARSE. HE’S GOT NO CHANCE OF SURVIVAL. I THINK I’M GOING TO VOMIT RIGHT AFTER I SHIT MYSELF. WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO??!!!” tends to unsettle the accident victims”, I will never know.
It’s like asking a pilot “So how important is it that you don’t fly your plane into the side of a mountain?”
Moronic and shameless and just horribly amateurish. I know they operate out of portacabins on an industrial estate but still, surely they can think of a better question to ask than that.
Leaving that particular report aside there’s the vapid Lorraine Keane and her entertainment fluff which is about as insightful as Stevie Wonder with his head up Ray Charles’s arse, the weird and scary Ursula Hannigan with her bizarre intonation, the ever increasing waistline of ‘weatherman’ Martin King who does the weather then reads out requests like a 1980s pirate radio DJ and they’re as bad as Sky News for their interactive poles polls which if I ever find the time I will shove up their fucking holes, the cunts.
TV3 news can fuck off until they stop being shit. So that’s forever then….
