Shortage of hospital beds in Ireland is a big problem. I’ve mentioned it before. People arrive to A&E departments and get a trolley and then have to spend maybe two or three days on the trolley before being admitted.
That’s unless someone doesn’t steal the trolley while they’re gone for a piss in which case they have to go back to start of the queue and they may only get a plastic chair until a trolley is available again.
Not any more though, yesterday the Taoiseach announced new measures to combat this disgraceful problem.
The government decided to embark on a two year program of sterilization for the ‘hereditarily sick’. Those to be sterilized are categorized beginning with those suffering from congenital feeblemindedness then schizophrenics, manic depressives, hereditary blindness, deafness and dumbness, those suffering from grave bodily malformation (which means most of County Mayo) and people who suffer from hereditary alcoholism.
Special ‘Hereditary Health Courts’ will be set up to make decisions on who is to sterilized. It is estimated that up to 410,000 people could undergo this treatment and as the sick don’t then make more sick when they breed this will free up lots of hospital beds in the future.
After that program is finished the Taoiseach announced a plan devised by renowned physician Dr Eugene Murphy. This will take the senile, the mentally handicapped, deformed and those suffering from mental illness from their rest homes and institutions to special camps where they will cease to be a burden on society, or the folk, by being killed in large groups. When asked who he might put in charge of this he was unsure but suggested Brendan Grace as he was ‘a gas man altogether’.
In order for those selected to give something back to the people and the resources they have drained for their existence their bodies will be burnt at the main ESB peat plant thus providing electricity for the country. Life unworthy of life providing light for those more worthy.
This program will be known as ‘Eugenics’ after its creator. It is thought that Minister for Justice Michael McDowell would like to see illegal immigrants included before they water down the pure blood Irish population even further. He is quoted as saying “It’s a delicious irony that we’re the ones being invaded by Poland this time”.
It is thought that by 2011 there will be no waiting at all for those wanting a hospital bed.
And who said Fianna Fail were just a bunch of fucking chancers papering over the cracks as they went along making things worse in the long term?