Either - Or

Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on January 30th, 2006

“Twenty, who would you want to win in a fight between a traveller and a Romanian?”, asked Stinking Pete in Ron’s on Friday night.

“Oooooh, good question!”, said Dirty Dave.

“Si! Si! Let’s a hear ya, Twenty”, said Lucky Luciano.

“It is a good question, you’re right Dave”, I replied. “Well, Stinking Pete, it’s a difficult one to judge. On the one hand there’s the traveller with their making a mess of everywhere they pitch their caravan, their distracting you at the front door while their accomplice makes away with the clothes from your washing line and the tools from your utility room and the poor quality tarmacadam they lay while they case your house for future burglaries. On the other hand there’s the Romanian who steals from you as you least suspect it, swiping your mobile phone as you sit at a table and the women holding their drugged up babies in front of you telling you how poor and hungry they are while their gold teeth are worth a small fortune.”

“It’s a tough one all right, but who would you want to win?”

“That, Stinking Pete, is like asking me if I’d rather eat a plate of cat sick or a bowl of dog poo.”

“Hypodermically though, you have to choose one.”

“I’d go for the Rocky III ending.”

“What’s that then?”

“Well, at the end of Rocky III Rocky and his arch-nemesis, Apollo Creed, have fought each for the world title and come together to see of the challenge of Mr T before he joined the A-Team. They are now good old chums and at the end they get into the ring and have a sparring match.”

“Right, and what happens?”

“Well, they duck and cover, bob and weave, and then they both swing a punch at each other which is quite obviously going to connect with their respective jaws. Before that happens though the film freezes and we get the ‘Eye of the tiger’ music.”

“Ahhh, I see! You’d like them to beat the crap out of each other then knock each other out with a vicious punch.”

“No, I’d like for time to somehow freeze while they were in mid punch so I could clamber into the ring with a chainsaw and cut both the cunts in half.”