Yes, I have a white beard.

Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on December 12th, 2005

Some jokes just never get old for some people. We were in Ron’s on Friday night talking about who would win a breakdancing competition between Margaret Thatcher and Lorenzo de Medici. The general consensus was that de Medici’s love of the arts and practical jokes would give him the advantage over a woman who used that much hairspray and would surely split in two if she spread her legs far enough to perform a scissor kick.

Stinking Pete had been at his work’s Christmas party earlier. It wasn’t so much a party as a few drinks after work and as Pete works on his own he just sat at the bar in the Duke and got shitfaced. He staggered into Ron’s and after knocking a table over he decided to he’d do his Christmas routine. It happens every year and it goes something like this?

“Here, Twan….*hic*…Twenty.”

“What it is, Stinking Pete?”

“I wash gunna have a party on chrishmash eve but shure you wuddun be able to come an anyway.”

“Why’s that?”, I ask, feigning less interest each year.

“Coz ye’ll be goin’ round deliverin all de preshents. HAHAHAHAHA.”

“Ahh, nice one, Pete”, I say and we all roll our eyes.

“Ya see itsh coz ya look loike Santy!”

“Yeah, I know, Pete. I know.”

“Coz yiv gotta fuckin big white beeyard!!!”

“That I do, Pete.”

“An’ Santy has a fuckin big white beeyard!!”

“He sure does.”

” *hic*…Twenty?”

“Yeah, Pete?”

“You fuckin look loike Santy. I’m very lonely, so I am.”

At that point we tell Dirty Dave to bring him home and buy him a bag of chips on the way.

This year, because we felt a bit sorry for him, we all chipped in and told Dave to get him a portion of scampi too.