The Irish Daily Mail can fuck right off
Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on September 26th, 2005
The Daily Mail is a right-wing, xenophobic rag of an English newspaper (see Mailwatch for more). Over the years they’ve run some tremendously anti-Irish crap, be it editorials, badly written articles, cartoons and headlines. And it’s not just the Irish they hate. It’s anything non-British, immigrants, non-caucasians, immigrants, people that aren’t white and rabidly right wing, the EU, immigrants, foreigners and immigrants.
So you can imagine it was a bit of a surprise when I read in one of the papers this weekend that they’re going to launch an Irish edition of the Daily Mail, with Irish journalists, writing about Irish things. Why would a newspaper which has offended so many people in this country think that it’s a good idea to launch a paper here? Why would a publication which thinks all Irish people are stupid, IRA supporting, fist-fighting alcoholics even want to set up here?
It’d be like me setting up a bar for travellers or for Americans to start a HOLIDAY USA in Paris.
The Daily Mail is a horrendous excuse for a newspaper written by bigots and cunts and we have enough fucking rags in Ireland as it is.
The Irish Star is a miserable shitheap of a paper, the Evening Herald is to quality newspapers what Michael Bolton is to quality music (sorry Mr Delevan but you don’t work there anymore so it’s ok), the Irish Sun is a greenified version of the English one so I don’t to say much more than that while the Sunday World has at least been consistent - it’s been fucking shite for years and years.
With that in mind there really is no need for the Daily Mail to publish an Irish edition. If I was caught short after a particularly heavy night on the tiles and I scrambled my way into a public toilet and unleashed the full fury of my bowels only to find there was no toilet paper I still wouldn’t use the Daily Mail to wipe my arse. I’d rather just use my hand or my underwear. If I went to get fish and chips and they only had an old piece of cheesecloth with smooshed up insects on it I’d rather they used that than wrap my food in the Daily Mail. If I was sent to prison for the rest of my life and given a choice between a copy of the Da Vinci Code or an edition of the Daily Mail every day I would choose that cunt Dan Brown’s book every time (which I could use for toilet paper if I needed it).
To any Irish readers I would urge you to never, ever buy the Irish Daily Mail if and when it does launch. You wouldn’t have lunch in Pol Pot’s Bistro. You wouldn’t hire Ian Huntley as your babysitter. You wouldn’t take flying lessons from Al-Qaeda. You wouldn’t let Ted Kennedy give your daughter a lift home at night. You wouldn’t get Hitler to open your bagel bar. You wouldn’t invite Satan to your birthday party. So why would you buy the Daily fucking Mail?
The Daily Mail can fuck off and go fuck itself up its fucking arse while it’s fucking off. I won’t ever buy it. I won’t even read it if somebody leaves it behind. If I see someone come in to Ron’s bar carrying a copy of it I will glass them. Ireland does not need the Daily Mail.
The Daily Mail needs to be fucked up the arse by a black, welfare claiming, AIDS carrying immigrant. That would fucking teach them, the cunts.
Mister Whiskers says:
Hooray for you, sir. the Daily Mail is a septic cuntrag.
September 26th, 2005 at 12:41 am
United Irelander says:
I’ll be sure to steer well clear of it!
But what’s wrong with the Evening Herald? It has John Giles!
September 26th, 2005 at 1:07 am
1
Andraste says:
Don’t sugar coat it, Twenty, how do you REALLY feel?
September 26th, 2005 at 1:14 am
2
SlyPIG says:
Agree completely that the Mail is a rag. I’m amazed that the brits are so alarmed by the SR/IRA parade in dublin recently yet have allowed that “newspaper” to be a mouth piece for the BNP for years now.
However Twenty, two things I do have a problem with…
1) Irish tabloid journalism can often be excellent and at times far outshines its broadsheet counterparts. Although the herald is rubbish, the Sunday World has broken some of Irelands biggest stories and was instrumental in championing many a just cause when the Broadsheet haughty taughtys on middle abbey street were busy felating each other and peddling out reams upon reams of Trinity College style wank.
2) This recent entry just ain’t as funny as others of late. Be funnier, thats why I log on to your blog. Don’t turn all Jim Larkin/Eddie Hobbs on our arses. Nobody wants to be preached at. The humour makes the point at a more subliminal level. I’m still laughing at Krammer Vs Krammer while agreeing with your point on competition in the local market.
Keep up the good work - this is still the best blog since Terry Schaivos - now that was funny.
September 26th, 2005 at 1:43 am
3
Jaffrey says:
You know Twenty, if this rag of shit wiping paper offends so many, wouldn’t they be wise to hire you, our quick witted friend, to offend anyone who has yet to be offended?
September 26th, 2005 at 2:46 am
4
Zombie says:
Jeez you are a fcuking crybaby.
September 26th, 2005 at 5:53 am
5
Twenty Major says:
Sorry slypig, I’ll chuck in a few fucking ‘knock knock’ jokes next time.
September 26th, 2005 at 7:05 am
6
SlyPIG says:
Cheers ye fat cunt - that’d be appreciated
September 26th, 2005 at 7:50 am
7
Dr Maroon says:
Humour with style AND a public information service, is there no end to this man’s fucking talents? If I could just interrupt your mutual masturbation session for a second; hey SlyPIG, felate isn’t a verb you cunt. Keep it right.
September 26th, 2005 at 9:02 am
8
Nick says:
I dont like Paul Williams style of journalism - he always has this large picture of himself on the Sunday World and this troubled look a la ‘Cracker -TV series’ his style of writing is very ego driven IMO - although nobodies perfect - I wonder can he trot out anymore crimelord style books or has he exhausted that by now
September 26th, 2005 at 11:20 am
9
asbo says:
I LIKE the Mail.IT’S guaranteed not
to have anything about bumbling
Bertie or fat Mary,Dick Roach or
the Ga
September 26th, 2005 at 1:08 pm
10
A Cow in Willesden says:
How can you write a whole page about that filthy lie-rag and not mention their well documented support for Mr H’s Final Solution in good ole WWII?
Fair play to you for not wanting to wipe yourself with it - I wouldn’t fancy doing a 20-stretch with ‘Blacks ate my babies’ printed backwards on me arse.
I live in London now and I get to see the headlines every morning over the shoulder of some short-R’s tan. Too awful for words. You will pay a high psychic price if you let them publish that scaremongering putrid muck over there.
Good bloggage.
September 26th, 2005 at 1:25 pm
11
Scaryduck says:
Good thing we didn’t tell him about the Daily Express, then…
September 26th, 2005 at 3:01 pm
12
Sportin' Life says:
Be fair now, the Mail hates most British people too, the only people it actually has any time for is lemon sucking, narrow eyed, dry cunted, grasping suburban kulaks; exactly the sort of wee charmers that makes Britain the funky wonderland it is.
September 26th, 2005 at 3:15 pm
13
Bane says:
Sounds like my kind of paper. Sign me up as a subscriber!
September 26th, 2005 at 5:17 pm
14
dickvandyke says:
Does The Mail still do that little smashing ‘Love Is’ cartoon? That was really nice. Some years ago, me and my sweet girlfriend used to cut them out and send them to each other. Eventually, after 3 years of this, she called me a soft insignificant twee arsehole and left me for a well hung ex-con Jamaican called Winston.
September 26th, 2005 at 7:44 pm
15
SlyPIG says:
Dr Maroon, I love you. Your my kinda cunt.
Regards,
SlyPIG
September 27th, 2005 at 2:25 am
16
Mad Dog says:
hear, hear, Twenty. The Daily Mail is an unspeakable fascist rag. Now think yourself lucky you The DailyTelegraph doesn’t bring our an Irish edition..
September 27th, 2005 at 8:15 pm
17
DV says:
The Daily Mail is indeed a left wing rag - but since most lefties can’t read I wouldn’t have thought that was a problem?
October 2nd, 2005 at 2:35 pm
18
boris pringle says:
Yeh, the daily mail is a pile of useless shit, what kind of dickhead would allow it to be classed as a newspaper?
November 19th, 2006 at 9:40 pm
19
The Daily Fascist! Any Irish person, or English person with half a conscience for that matter, who lived in London in the 80’s and 90’s (or lives there now) will know the history of this xenophobic anti-Irish rag. What kills me is the completer ignorance of Irish people here who buy it? Are they stupid? I know that their target readership is middle class wives who like gardening and gossip, oh and more crap about the royals! Who gives a toss about the royals? I despair! I really do and I’m not even a Shinner of a Fine Failer! MC
April 17th, 2008 at 9:32 am
20
Mr DV…i think you’ll find its right wing…not left. please sort it our you big pink tit.
anyways…horay for the mail bashers. they also supported sir oswald mosley and were friends with aydolf and mussolini en all. also dont drink in wehterspoons either…they fund the BNP and UKIP and drinking surrounded by alcoholics and cunts is a brain ache. in london the mail also do the evening standard, the london paper and the london lite…all shit too…more ways to get their bigoted opinions to the masses or fill their heads with irrelevant celebrity nonsense as a distraction to actually living or thinking.
id love it soooo much if their headquarters was destroyed with every cunt that works there in it. if i see anyone reading it on the tube etc then i automatically hate them (maybe i should try to turn them??). also…i agree on the da vinchi code thing toooo…what a load of wanky pretentious shoit. fuck me! also i would wipe my arse on these papers because its fucking funny and then stick them with the shit to a yates’s or starbucks window…or those cunty estate agents who leave their lights on all night because they dont give a fuck about the future of the planet and only dollar…i pissed through one’s letterbox once or order them loads of pizzas in the day times from all the local brances of domino’s and other shit grease pap holes. burn it down, i urge anyone…please, it would be on of the best things to ever happen.
kisses to ireland and thank you for My Bloody Valentine.
pops
November 14th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
21