Blogger’s block
Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on August 26th, 2005
“What are you gonna talk about on your blog tomorrow, you fag?”, asked Jimmy the Bollix.
“Dunno, you wanker”, I replied.
“Must be a pain in the hoop trying to think of something to write every day”, says he taking a gulp of his pint.
“Not really”, says I.
“You mean you always, always have something to talk about?”
“Yep.”
“But what if, and I know that with a headful of shite like you have and pair of lips that flap more than Dana’s gee it’s hard to fathom, you just couldn’t think of anything?”
“That’d never happen though, Jimmy. Quit talking shite.”
“I’m not talking shite at all. At some point there will come a time where … Pete, I’m talking to Twenty. Can’t you see that I’m in the middle of a conversation? Exactly. Now fuck off and come back when I’m finished talking. No, I don’t know when that will be but when you see me not talking it’ll be around that time…. Fucking stupid cunt, he is. Anyway, what I was saying was that at some stage you’re going to sit down to write your blog and your words will be like food in Niger. Fucking non-existant. Then what are you going to do?”
“I’ve got loads of stories though. All those crimes I haven’t mentioned yet. All the other nasty, mean things we’ve done to Dirty Dave and Stinkin’ Pete. I could tell them about the Aer Lingus pilot with the stupid name that Lucky Luciano has in his sights. There are politiicans and celebrities doing things they shouldn’t. Damien Rice is bound to pop up again soon. The weather is shite. There’s no shortage of things to talk about.”
“Right, I never said there wasn’t stuff to talk about. The point I’m trying to make is that despite all that stuff going on your mind is going to blank one day and then… I’M STILL FUCKING TALKING DAVE!…then you’re going to look like a right cunt. People are used to you prattling on with your shite on your fucking website and the day you can’t think of anything to write is going to be the day I laugh my fucking head off. Honest to God, I will.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it, Jimmy. I’m not worried at all.”
“Why’s that then?”
“Because when that day comes, if it comes, and I doubt that it will, I’ll just relay this entire conversation as a piece of dialogue thus making a whole post out of the fact I can’t think of anything to write about.”
“You’re a smart cunt, Twenty, so you are.”
“You’re just a cunt, Jimmy. Pint?”
“Don’t mind if I do. Now Dave, what was on your mind?”
Rudy Zarsov says:
I reckon your blog has gotta be in the top 5 for “most entertaining” but when you use all these new blog searches, all they work on is who is linked to who. one of em published a top 500 and its full of crap blogs. what a pity that you can’t search or “entertaining”, “enjoyment” or just plain “fuken funny”.
if you could you blog would be in the top 2.
August 25th, 2005 at 11:40 pm
jaffrey says:
twenty - has anyone flagged you yet? what is that all about?
August 26th, 2005 at 12:49 am
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Twenty Major says:
What do you mean ‘flagged’, Jaffrey?
August 26th, 2005 at 6:36 am
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Dealga says:
ah you’ve gone all Yeats-ie ya cunt. “Killing your inspiration and singing about the grief” as the great Boner once sang. Trick will be to see how long it will take before you can get away with the exact same post without anyone noticing.
August 26th, 2005 at 7:08 am
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fatmammycat says:
I am only awake becasue some FUCKING JUNKIE BASTARD is outside my window screaming ‘STOP! STOPIT! ARRRGGHH! STOPPP!’ with deadly repetition at the imaginary fucking demons in his louse riddled smack filled head. I have yelled at him to ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP!” But he thought that came from inside his head too. Where is Lucy Luciano when you need him? I do not like to be up early and this does not bode well for the rest of the day.
August 26th, 2005 at 7:54 am
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Bane says:
Go stab him. It’s free.
August 26th, 2005 at 8:41 am
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fatmammycat says:
Perhaps I’ll just call him names and tell him I don’t agree with him, see if that makes him wanders off in a snit.
August 26th, 2005 at 8:58 am
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Antonio from Italy says:
Seems to me that today you hadn’t nothing to write about, Twenty ;-)
August 26th, 2005 at 9:04 am
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Anonymous says:
‘Digital dirt’ can stain your success
Most job hunters never even know when they’ve lost out on an interview because of “digital dirt.” That could include your chat-room tirade on an ex-roommate’s sex life or that photo of you and college buddies …
Hello #aapje# !
August 26th, 2005 at 9:05 am
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Dr. E. Scientist, phD. says:
Sorry Fatmammycay. I think that might be me.
The voices in my head want me to become a televeangelist, but even I have my limits.
Say, you wouldn’t happen to have any whiskey up there, would ya?
August 26th, 2005 at 12:42 pm
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fatmammycat says:
Doc, if that was you down there whiskey won’t save you.Thankfully the leperous looking fucker had wandered off now, hopefully to be mown down and dragged forty yards by a decent sized truck. Hah, a televangelist, let me guess Roberston is saying it was ‘the voices’ that promted his little outburst.If that’s his excuse, whiskey won’t help him much either.
August 26th, 2005 at 1:57 pm
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jaffrey says:
Twenty, if you look in between the “Get your own blog” and “Next blog” buttons at the top of your page, near the search bar, you’ll notice a pesky new button that says “Flag”. This is not to display your national flag, this is for the easily offended to report you to the powers that be. Just wondered if anyone had flagged you. I’m sure that Lucky could take them out if need be.
August 26th, 2005 at 2:02 pm
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Anonymous says:
You know who you should right about if you ever run out of something to say? Fucking Ryan Tubridy, smug manchild spotty-cardigan cunt that he is.
August 26th, 2005 at 2:18 pm
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Twenty Major says:
I always have something to write about, Antonio.
That flagging thing is a load shit, innit?
August 26th, 2005 at 3:53 pm
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Twenty Major says:
What happens if you get too many flags? Do they delete you or something?>
August 26th, 2005 at 3:54 pm
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Anonymous says:
Should the words ebb, just find a blog that you dislike, and together we can destroy it.
Viva dubloon!
Ciaran..
August 26th, 2005 at 6:01 pm
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fatmammycat says:
Sigh, the chosen one returns from god knows where, hello darling and welcome home, good trip?
August 26th, 2005 at 7:06 pm
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Mad Dog says:
I was going to leave a comment but I couldn’t think what to say…
August 26th, 2005 at 8:16 pm
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Twenty Major says:
Ciaran ya cuntcha, where have you been?
August 26th, 2005 at 8:19 pm
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Bane says:
Hoy, then! This flag business has got me somewhat alarumed! Whuffuck? I must be gettin flagged like a feckin stock ticker! Lets be concentratin on wots close at hand and meaningful, here, fuckall.
Is some prickly fuck likely to get me words o wisdom and pearls a great price eradifucated, or what?
Enquiring minds!
August 27th, 2005 at 2:56 am
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fatmammycat says:
God Bane, if this is true your site would be covered in bunting.
August 27th, 2005 at 3:04 pm
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