Happy slapping
Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on August 4th, 2005
Happy slapping is a craze invented by English youths who set upon an innocent person and kick the shite out of them while filming it on their mobile phones. They then send the footage of themselves kicking the crap out of the person to all their friends who then forward it to all their friends and so on.
It’s not the brightest thing in the world to do, let’s be fair. It’s sort of like robbing a bank then going into the pub with bags of money and telling everyone you robbed the bank. Sooner or later somebody who shouldn’t hear about will hear about. The same with the happy slapping. Soon, and I know this is hard to believe of the English youht these days, one of the friends of the a friend of one of the happy slappers will send the video to another youth who might object, on a moral basis, to a group of cunts kicking the fuck out of some poor bastard just because they feel like it. Then there’s a direct chain of evidence leading back to the first bunch of happy slappers who were stupid enough to film it in the first place.
It’s nearly as stupid as footballer Wayne Rooney leaving a note for the girl he shagged in his brothel creeping days. “Dear Jacinta, I shagged u on December 14th, 2004 at 11.34, luv Wayne Rooney, 43 High Street, Liverpool, Merseyside, England, Europe, Earth.” Just in case anyone was in any doubt about which Wayne Rooney it was.
Anyway, I digress. We in Ireland have had our first case of happy slapping when a bunch of 12 little twats in Nenagh (remember what I said about towns beginning with N? Search using the top bar if not), Co Tipperary, took it upon themselves to knock seven bells out of an 18 year old and film it along the way.
It shouldn’t be hard to trace the footage back and I suggest as a punishment all 12 of them have the shit kicked out of them on the Late Late Show. I’d be quite happy to do it and Pat Kenny can introduce me, and I know Jimmy would like to be involved too, and we can set about them with planks of wood, knuckle dusters and snooker balls in socks and see how they like being filmed while someone batters them senseless.
I’m not a religious man, as you all know, but that ‘eye for an eye’ bit in the Bible should move from apocrypha into common law. Rape someone - you get raped. Kill someone - you get killed. Rob someone - they get to rob you back. Have sex with a child - the child gets to have sex with you (in this case please replace ‘child’ with ‘AIDS riddled junkie’). Happy slap someone - you get happy slapped back.
The only way to put a stop to violent crime is to commit worse acts of violent crime on the original perpetrators. That’s a proper deterrent. If there’s one thing the bible can teach us it’s not love, it’s not understanding, it’s not forgiveness, it’s to commit acts of ferocity and savagery until the cunts stop once and for all.
Amen.
maca says:
Twenty, if this Late Late Show thing goes ahead will you give me a call? I’ve got a good hurley but haven’t had a chance to use it in quite a while.
August 4th, 2005 at 8:22 am
Stephen says:
Make sure its one of the old school ones with the rusty metal band on the end, half twisted off with a big rusty nail sticking out of it.
August 4th, 2005 at 9:19 am
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fatmammycat says:
You know Twenty, now that you are quasi famous- wot wit bein’ on the Beeb ‘n all- you probably could pitch ideas to RTE. And if the Kenny show looms I have an excellent well worn leather riding crop I would be delighted to bring, I realise it doesn’t have the solid thwack of a good hurley, but it does sting like a mother, I’m told.
August 4th, 2005 at 11:10 am
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Johnny5 says:
I can confirm that a good wallop of a leather riding crop will leave your arse red raw for months.
August 4th, 2005 at 11:40 am
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fatmammycat says:
If you oil it first J5, you can practically sign your name in welts, thought you might like to know.
August 4th, 2005 at 11:57 am
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Johnny5 says:
You should have your own tv show, fmc.
With this kind of advice you could be more famous than Keith Chegwin.
August 4th, 2005 at 12:26 pm
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fatmammycat says:
Nothing in this world could compare to Cheggers and his olive green hat.
August 4th, 2005 at 12:59 pm
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Anonymous says:
You would do well to remember the old saying a tooth for a tooth just makes every one blind and toothless.
Yeah just like those little twats would end up if they ever tried to “happy slap” me.
Speaking about revenage
How dare the english export such a practice.
Is it their revenge for us giving them ram rading and joy riding
Big star
August 4th, 2005 at 1:55 pm
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PJ CARROLL says:
I have a blue peter badge…..
August 4th, 2005 at 2:37 pm
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maca says:
Use it wisely, young padawan…
August 4th, 2005 at 2:41 pm
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jenE says:
leather riding crops are for fun, not punishment! especially the oiled kind. btw, amen to the gospel according to twenty.
August 4th, 2005 at 6:15 pm
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Muff Diver says:
I do a little happy slap on the old langer now and again, with oil of course!
August 4th, 2005 at 6:54 pm
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Bane says:
I suspect it’s all a myth. I go around heavily armed and looking as helpless as I can, and no group of mangy yoots ever attacks me, to my chagrin. What’s wrong wit dese kids tudday? Slackers.
August 4th, 2005 at 7:14 pm
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fatmammycat says:
Cuddly and defenceless as a polar bear, Bane? I suspect they see the manical gleam in your eye and quickly walk, nay, trot in the opposite direction.
August 5th, 2005 at 9:40 am
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Geordie says:
I don’t usually like to blame the media, but ‘Happy Slapping’ looks like some sort of bizarre offspring of ‘You’ve been framed’ and ‘Jackass’.
Would anyone object if Jeremy Beadle was happyslapped?
August 6th, 2005 at 3:28 pm
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Anonymous says:
hi im only 17
and i completly agreee i fink dat if der was a bigger fear of being punished properly da lil fuckers would think twice
i love your comments and think that they should all have the same done back
but please remember not all kids are fucked up undisplined arseholes who will do nothink with their life apart from the dole que
some of us r better than that
August 15th, 2005 at 1:35 pm
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