IRA Statement
Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on July 29th, 2005
“Dear cuntos,
yes, I know we’ve been blowing people up willy-nilly for years now and justifying it with some tired old shite about a united Ireland. You, me and the wall know that’s never going to happen so we, the IRA leadership, have decided to throw down our arms.
We realise that the international support we’ve received, especially from America, is going to be hard to maintain when the world and his mother are affected and appalled by the terrorism being perpetrated by those Muslim lads. As terrorists ourselves it makes it very difficult for us to throw grand gala fundraisers in New York and Boston and makes it difficult for our Irish-American benefactors to chuck us the cash we need for our guns, bullets, explosives and other devices of murder we’ve used througout the campaign.
We decry the actions of these Muslims for ridding terrorism of its cuddly image, its shileleagh and its bejaysusness. Long gone are the days when Mickey Rourke would be seen dead in the same snug as us. Christ, look at the state of Mickey now though, ’tis better for our image he forgot about us and went mad for the plastic surgery.
Anyway, after lots of amicable discussions we’ve decided that in order to prolong the political careers of Gerry and Martin, who by the way have nothing to do with us at all, all volunteers will be dumping their arms, ditching their balaclavas and will never more bother the people of the UK by exploding them, their buildings or places of work.
Oglaigh na hEireann will strive for political solutions to …pfffff … sorry, something got caught in my throat there… political and peaceful …bwa ha ha …er…*cough*…political and peaceful something or other. It’s not really important right now.
The important thing is that we make this statement, that you fall for it believe it like you believed us when we said we didn’t rob that bank at Christmas time and we can continue our work as smugglers, dealers, loan sharks and keep running the protection rackets that keep us filthy fucking rich.
Tiocfaidh ár lá agus póg mo thon.
your old chums,
The ‘Ra.”
Bane says:
Best be checkin yer auto before ye start it, laddie.
July 29th, 2005 at 1:19 am
Tommy says:
And where will yis be dumping these guns.. I need a riddler.
July 29th, 2005 at 1:51 am
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fatmammycat says:
Dear Ra, you can run but you can’t hide from that ginger hound of hell McDowell and his CAB ( Cunts And Bastards) hounds. I’m watching him right now on TV3 (whispered)and he’s is practically foaming at the mouth with the thoughts of getting his webbed fingers on your filthy lucre. Tá ocras an domhain orm, so goodbye you murderous filthy lying shower of wankers.
Hi Tommy!Love your new look page.
July 29th, 2005 at 8:18 am
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Ian "I touch myself, oh i'm such a sinful prick" Paisley shirt says:
Gud own ye, Twaynty. Dat’s tellin dem der EYE-AR-AY, dat day may buurn in de foires of hell, so they mite.
Av sayd et before an al say et agayn, we will not stand ididly by and be burned in ar bayds.
July 29th, 2005 at 9:36 am
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Anonymous says:
Now that they’re gone and there is no threat of a 32 county socialist republic we as a people can continue our transformation from a nation the world used to adore to the infinitely more modern nation of non smoking, damien rice listening, debt ridden, commuting from Mullingar cunts. Wicked.
July 29th, 2005 at 12:44 pm
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Anonymous says:
Wicked???
Up the IRA, our day will sill come.
July 29th, 2005 at 1:20 pm
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Dubliner in Sydney says:
you should be ashamed and well ya know it ya cunt
July 29th, 2005 at 1:27 pm
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Anonymous says:
“Up the IRA, our day will sill come.”
What day? The day you learn to spell?
July 29th, 2005 at 4:58 pm
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dickvandyke says:
Anyone fancy a pint?
July 31st, 2005 at 9:00 pm
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Dr Maroon says:
We’re going down the hotel for a couple if you’re intrested.
July 31st, 2005 at 9:21 pm
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Anonymous says:
Too funny.
All the plastic provos who are threatening you are just that– plastic or as we Oirish Overseas say pretend (get drunk give money I’m an f’n patriot). The only guns they know of are the cowboy guns they used to get for Krismas…
Up the Chuckies.
August 2nd, 2005 at 2:49 pm
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John says:
I have also decided not to blow up innocent people. In fact I’ve yet to kill anyone. Where’s my pat on the back and fond farewell?
August 2nd, 2005 at 5:03 pm
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lemuel says:
Hey Twenty, did you know that the BBC “weblog watch” quoted you, but for some mystical reasons changed your phrase “Muslim lads” to [7 July bombers]? Cunts.
August 2nd, 2005 at 8:26 pm
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Anonymous says:
Sean,
Chuki- al -lar
Say HELLO to the provos
October 30th, 2006 at 1:17 am
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Anonymous says:
as an Irish american I salute what you lads have done for your country .. fuck the Brits
February 5th, 2007 at 6:06 am
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