Pitch a fit, you cunt
Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on July 27th, 2005
Dirty Dave has photo sensitive epilepsy, he told us last night.
This is something they invented a couple of years ago to make films sound more interesting. They never announce anything like it in the cinema but on TV before any fucking film they always say “This film contains flashing lights and scenes which may cause problems for people with photo sensitive epilepsy.”
What a bunch of my fucking hoop. Do bouncers at nightclubs say “This discotheque contains flashing lights and scenes which may cause problems for people with photo sensitive epilepsy” or does God announce “This natural phenomenon contains flashing lights and scenes which may cause problems for people with photo sensitive epilepsy” when people venture to witness the aurora borealis? Does he shite.
Anyway, Dave was sitting down in front of Sky Movies the other night (he said he was watching Dawn of the Dead but we found out later it was Love Actually) when all of a sudden he woke up on the ground with every muscle in his body taut and his face covered in foam. He went to the hospital where they told him he was an Eppo.
Now I’ve just ordered a set of laser pointers from eBay and I’m going to shine them in his eyes at every possible moment.
Bane says:
Try to find yourself an eppo girlfriend. Clamber on board, insert the gherkin, and then flash her. Hang on, baby!
Do not ever put your member in her mouth though, as it is possible she could show you something you’ve never seen before…
The other end of it.
July 26th, 2005 at 11:18 pm
Babs says:
Speaking as a spaz, I can assure you that the laser pointy thingie will DEF do the trick. If you get tired of flashing him with the laser thingie, you can always buy a strobe light. Them fuckers work wonders.
Whats blue and doesn’t fit??
A dead epileptic.
I thank you.
July 27th, 2005 at 9:33 am
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Rob says:
Watching love actually would be enough to induce a fit in me I can tell you.
July 27th, 2005 at 12:40 pm
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Rob says:
Watching love actually would be enough to induce a fit in me I can tell you.
July 27th, 2005 at 12:40 pm
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AMS says:
Ive heard of Hugh Grant provoking fits in people alright - its probably the constant movement of his curtains (hair)
July 27th, 2005 at 2:38 pm
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jenE says:
laser thingies are for making your cat freak out. strobe lights are better for the epps. maybe the opening credits of “Monty Python’s Search for the Holy Grail” with the llama bit. nothing like making people flop around on the floor like a fish out of water!
July 27th, 2005 at 3:36 pm
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United Irelander says:
I tried really hard not to laugh at this but I failed.
Nice work Twenty.
July 28th, 2005 at 2:27 am
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Oscar Wildebeest says:
Sorry to be so boring, but I’m afraid only about 10% of us eppies suffer from PSE. So your chances of a successful ‘episode’ are somewhat limited. More info here, if you can be arsed.
August 1st, 2005 at 1:23 pm
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