Make poverty history
Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on June 30th, 2005
Is wearing a wristband going to make poverty history? No.
Is a bunch of self-serving rock stars led by a rubber-lipped, woolly haired loudmouth playing a load of concerts going to make poverty history? No.
Is Bono asking people to send txt messages 4 Africa going to make poverty history? No.
Will me putting some HTML code on my blog which will put a Make Poverty history banner on the top corner make poverty history? No.
There are only two ways of making poverty history.
1 - Kill all poor people, then there will be no paupers so poverty will cease to exist.
2 - Kill everyone but the poor people so they immediately go to the top of the class.
Personally I’m more in favour of the first option. Poor people are generally quite unhygenic and have no qualms about approaching you in a public place looking for money. That kind of behaviour deserves a good killing. Also, they seem to be more sickly and infirm than non-poor people so governments would save fortunes on health care.
As well as that if lots of people in a family are poor and die early you get lots of poor orphans on whom you can do experiments, such as firing them out of enormous cannons to see if different races of people travel further than others and what percentage of the bones in their body they break when they land.
Poor people often speak in strange dialects and are not very good at reading and writing so even if they did become less poor they couldn’t help society by writing books, obeying road signs or even contribute something as basic as graffiti. The poor tend to be quite dirty too, they live in filth and squalor which is no good for your health and when you have friends over for tea they won’t want to come back when they find your shanty town hut a total state.
What about their dress sense? They all seem to have no taste in clothes at all. Tracksuits, string vests, soiled nappies or just tattered rags. How are they ever going to find a job dressed like that? The poor of Asia are quite gifted when it comes to manufacturing top quality clothes for Nike and companies like that, as well as knocking up quite authentic looking fake Tommy Hilfiger sweatshirts and Loius Vuitton bags and stuff. They could easily spend their evenings and weekends making better clothes and accessories for themselves.
The worst thing about the poor is that they all live in places like Africa and the so-called ‘Third World’. You don’t need to be a genius to work out that your chances of being poor are greatly reduced if you live somewhere like Ireland, America or other western countries. Why don’t they just move? Their lack of motivation is just baffling, it really is.
So, as you can see the only real way of making poverty history is to make poor people history. Do your bit this weekend. While the world and his mother are watching Live8 on their 42″ plasma TVs, sitting on their Habitat sofas, drinking Saturday afternoon G&Ts while the kids play Streetfighter XXII on their X-Box go out and kill a poor person.
You’ll be doing them, and the world, a favour.
Anonymous says:
It is:
“I calls ‘em as I sees ‘em”.
Pagano, learn your fucking american baseball umpire vernacular, ya cunt.
Lord Tunderin’ jesus, you damn yanks are so, how should I put this; “american”
Muff Diver
June 30th, 2005 at 4:49 pm
Twenty Major says:
” Why do I assume I’m older? Just callin it as I sees it….”
That’s silly. For a start if you were calling it as you ’sees it’ that would mean you’re making your assumption on a visual basis. Comparing our two photos should make you realise that I am much, much older than you.
And far more handsome…
June 30th, 2005 at 5:22 pm
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Twenty Major says:
Are those poems or songs on your blog?
June 30th, 2005 at 5:26 pm
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Johnny5 says:
Pagano, your blog is the most utterly dull, tedious, up your own arse shite I have ever had the misfortune of readin. Christ on a bike.
Please keep your humourless, coma-enducing comments to yourself.
Oh and you are on ugly fucker too.
Johnny5
age 13 & 3/4
June 30th, 2005 at 5:32 pm
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Sir Findo Gask says:
Pagana.
Take it for what it is… Humour. If you don’t like it don’t read it.
Twenty.
Do you think we should have a team of beaters to flush the poor people out before we kill them? It would be far more productive if we didn’t have to search too much for them.
SFG
June 30th, 2005 at 8:18 pm
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Stack says:
Wasn’t AIDS created to kill the ‘Third World’ - jesus that came back and pricked us in the ass (literally).
June 30th, 2005 at 8:26 pm
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B. says:
Comes the dawn (Pagano wrote it)
Now if you can just put 2 and 2 together.
Or as you would write it, to and too.
” Caesar said, ‘Et tu, Brutus?’ and Brutus said-
‘Naw I ain’t et none.’ “
June 30th, 2005 at 8:48 pm
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fatmammycat says:
Findo, a good team of hounds does the same jobbie, and you can keep them in kennels and feed them horse and greyhound pellets: they don’t mind. The poor would eventually complain and look for rent allowance.
Fatmammycat
June 30th, 2005 at 11:00 pm
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gingermick says:
I am reliably informred that real Spanglish insists on “mang” not “man”.
jl (JLo?)you, Madam, are a fraud. I bet you aren’t taking a poorie home for dinner.
July 1st, 2005 at 6:49 am
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Anonymous says:
Make blogging history, please!
July 1st, 2005 at 9:39 am
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Dr maroon says:
I live near Findo Gask, the place, not the person. We’ve been fenced in by US marines for the duration. If we kill the poor, where the fuck will I get my organs from? You want to think about the consequences of rash statements.
July 1st, 2005 at 10:58 pm
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ainelivia says:
and this from a country that has gone from being the poor man of Europe the the richest next to Luxembourg. And how did we do that? What’s that word, begins with a c and ends with n, Shirts bought with government funds come to mind, can’t recall who the shirts were for….
Oh yes, 3 millionish Irish, lots of EEC funding, lots of ideas about how that money could be spread around, did we work for it? Or did we just opportunise it? So we should kill all poor people, should we, how about we kill all the Irish, that should free up enough money and land to feed at least a dozen African countries for the next hundred years!!
July 2nd, 2005 at 9:59 am
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fatmammycat says:
I, and indeed most of the people I know and my parents and most of the people from their generation, made their money by working their arses off anelivia. But thanks for your concern.
July 3rd, 2005 at 6:59 pm
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esmerelda says:
Amazing isn’t it, that the suggestion that we should kill all the poor brought seemingly universal cynicism from the responses here, like it is a funny suggestion.
But a similar suggestion re the entire Irish Population brings the response that there should have occured in the first instance, obvious anger and disgust.
If we are only able to raise that response when we feel we are not valued, what are we?
July 4th, 2005 at 7:59 pm
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ainelivia says:
Indeed my family not only worked their butts off for what they have, but in several instances gave their lives for their country, so don’t worry about my concern; because what worries me in this thread is the lack of concern for those that are less fortunate than we have been.
July 4th, 2005 at 8:04 pm
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fatmammycat says:
I feel churlish having to explain this, but this thread, as you charmingly call it, has always been the last bastion of taste, that is what makes it funny.It is the sole reason people like me read it, if I wanted nampy mampy hand wringing and pseudo love for the people I would go else where. Yes, the humour is black, yes, on occasion it can offend, but Twenty has taken pot shots at everyone, the poor are not exempt, so it befuddles me when people squeak in dismay and start getting all uppity about stuff they don’t like,as if they are surprised to find it here. Are you that precious? Do you think Twenty really wants to shoot people out of a cannon? Do you think he has a dog called Bastard Face? Do you think he lived on The Edge for a few days? And Esmerelda, I defy you to find ‘anger and disgust’ in my reply.
July 5th, 2005 at 9:17 am
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ainelivia says:
You’ve got every right to like what you like, and I have every right to say that in this particular instance, the humour that I usually find funny, has overstepped the mark. Won’t be silenced by any verbal aggression and well able to reply to it.
It may be churlish of me to point out that very often in this world people don’t agree. Take as your starting point for that discussion, the island of Ireland.
July 5th, 2005 at 1:10 pm
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fatmammycat says:
To imply that I am verbally agressive is nonsense. Let’s not continue this, it is tedious and reeks of one-up-manship. Let’s just agree to continue liking whatever it is we like and being allowed to express opinions on such matters, and leave it at that, shall we?
July 5th, 2005 at 1:34 pm
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Twenty Major says:
“Obvious anger and disgust”
“overstepped the mark”
“lack of concern for those that are less fortunate”
Phrases that have warmed the very cockles of my heart.
July 5th, 2005 at 4:29 pm
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Anonymous says:
Checked out your blog as a result of last Sunday’s Tribune expecting an off the wall spin on the solipsistic machinations of Bob ‘n’ Bono. But no, just the crude undergraduate ravings of a twentysomething mouse potato that would make Mark Stein blush with embarrassment. Dude, Dean Swift you ain’t.
July 7th, 2005 at 11:54 pm
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Anonymous says:
That’s beacuse Dean Swift is dead, DUDE!
July 8th, 2005 at 9:47 am
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ainelivia says:
Just like to respond to fatmammycat’s last entry. Am I slow or something did you not just repeat everything I’d already said, in your own words re let’s agree to disagree? Don’t mind what your views are, but to attack someone on the basis that they don’t understand how funny you are when in fact the funny is cynical and lacks any form of compassion.
Twenty, warms the cockles of your heart? you have been described by people out there as a “national treasure”, and I think your are, but maybe there are days when you are not such a treasure, and when you don’t have a heart.
And don’t upset me now, cos I’ve been in a bad mood for about five years. and yesterday didn’t do anything to help my mood.
July 8th, 2005 at 10:25 am
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fatmammycat says:
Yesterday aside, I am curious. Why have you been in a bad mood for five years?
July 8th, 2005 at 1:45 pm
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Twenty Major says:
A national treasure? I never knew. Got some serious standards to uphold now.
I’m also curious so FMC’s question goes for me too.
July 9th, 2005 at 8:47 am
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Anonymous says:
hey, i’m a student in a private school, where the poor people clean our shit, and what about a wristband inspired by prince harry’s armband- “make minorities history”? the insignia might have to be changed, though; apparently some movemant back in the 30s had the same idea…
July 22nd, 2005 at 12:42 pm
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