Double teams

Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on June 23rd, 2005

The world has been full of wonderful partnerships, in sport, on screen, in music and crime. It would be funny to imagine some of these people with other partners though, wouldn’t it. Here are some newly created teams that could go far, in my opinion.

Cagney and Lacey: Ireland AM presenter Mark Cagney and Tyne Daly in her role as gritty NY cop Lacey fight crime for about three minutes until Lacey has enough of Cagney’s simpering, beats him to death, fillets him and takes him home for ‘HAWWVEY” to make burger meat out of.

Foster and Alan Partridge: Traditional Irish music mixed with toe-curlingly awful early morning DJ-ery. It’d be a sure fire hit. “I wish I was in Carrickfergus. Ahhhh-haaaaah!’

Laurie and Hardy: Weak chinned actor Hugh Laurie forms a madcap duo with portly black and white film story Oliver Hardy which would have been just about different enough from the original to be worth pursuing.

50 and Garfunkel: Top rapper teams up with top folk/pop singer Art Garfunkel to become the world’s greatest Pap or Rolk combo in history. Songs will include ‘Mrs Robinson (you cheap ho’)', ‘The sound of silencers’ and ‘Bitch over troubled water’.

Bono and Clyde: One would preach about world poverty and harangue world leaders before getting his picture taken with them while the other would carry out a series of daring and increasingly dastardly bank heists. There’s no question who the world would prefer to get shot to death by the police. It’s Bono. Just in case anyone was in any doubt.

Morcombe and Wise: Wonderful comedian ditches his former partner to team up with former Chelsea player Dennis Wise. Wise by name, not in any way by nature, dissolves the partnership when his partner refuses to beat up a taxi driver for no reason whatsoever.

Pig and Zag: Kids TV puppet joins forces with Victoria Beckham.

Lennon and McCarthy: The ex-alive, ex-Beatle gets together with former Republic of Ireland football manager Mick McCarthy. While big Mick contributes some fine Yorkshire brogue to Lennon’s tunes, the speccy Liverpudlian turns out to be worse than Bernie Slaven and Alan Kernaghan put together. That doesn’t stop Mick making him a first choice each international week though.

Ben and Gerry: Incredibly wealthy ice-cream maker Ben finds himself on skid row after teaming up with RTE radio leviathan, Gerry Ryan, who consumes the company’s entire stock in less than an afternoon, the enormous arsed behemoth.