More strange beasts
Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on May 26th, 2005
Continuing the theme from yesterday I got to thinking about what the world would be like if there really were mythical creatures like you read about in books. Imagine a place where there were unicorns, dragons, griffins and Red Indians. What fun places zoos would be, eh?
PLEASE DO NOT PUT YOUR HAND THROUGH THE BARS - THE DRAGON WILL EAT IT.
Obviously these mythical creatures were born out of ignorance, people had no access to the internet back then to identify the things they saw for the first time. Most to blame, of course, were sailors.
Yes, they were brave men who sailed the seas in wooden ships, coping with massive waves, vicious storms and gales and having only barrels of rum and anal sex with each other to keep them sane. But every time they saw something new it immediately became a ‘SEA MONSTER’.
It’s 1492, Columbus is sailing towards America. One of the crew shouts “Arrr, there be a sea monster!”. Further inspection reveals it to be a moray eel. A while later, “Arrrr, another sea monster. Hold me close, deck-hand! Closer. Closer. Arrr, that’s it.”
Anyway, all these sea monsters turned out to be sharks, whales, giant eels, manta rays, giant squid, octopii and rock singer Meatloaf.
Now, regular readers might think that I have a point to make in order to finish off this post. However, the sad truth is…
Mad Dog says:
the sad truth is…
That Jimmy the Bollix has appeared, you couldn’t be arsed to finish writing and you’ve gone down the pub? I don’t blame you.
PS I bloody well hate octopusses, the slithery, slimy bastards.
May 26th, 2005 at 7:39 pm
fatmammycat says:
Yes, but they’re tasty. Same as squid and mussels. I don’t understand people that make that weird terrified face when faced with sea food.
Toodles.
May 26th, 2005 at 9:01 pm
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Mad Dog says:
Ever since I saw Twenty (heh!) Thousand Leagues Under the Sea as a kid I’ve been terrified of giant squid and octupii. I agree that calamari are good though.
On the other hand MeatLoaf is disgusting in every sense…
May 26th, 2005 at 9:13 pm
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Tommy says:
So is Herring, taste’s like old smoked cod from Borza.
May 27th, 2005 at 12:09 am
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Bane says:
Octopi and all of those related, betentacled slimy fucks are nothing but motile boogers.
Lips that have touched tentacle shall never touch my testicles.
Gack, and can you imagine puking up a gutload of that tentacled shite? Or if one wasn’t quite dead yet and it suckered onto the inside of your throat on the way down?
Fuck me.
May 27th, 2005 at 12:29 am
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Mister Whiskers says:
Also, I hate seafood.
May 27th, 2005 at 1:54 am
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Mister Whiskers says:
I’ll tell you what’s disgusting. It’s when you have a huge boil on your anus, and one day it bursts and this huge slug made of living pus crawls out of the hole, and you take it and use it as the topping on your Cornetto.
You’d never catch me doing that.
May 27th, 2005 at 1:54 am
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Mad Dog says:
Goldfish: I think you’ve topped Scaryduck for grossness…
May 27th, 2005 at 2:00 am
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Bane says:
Pus…custard…it’s all the same.
May 27th, 2005 at 4:14 am
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Markham says:
What the hell is this “Unicorns don’t exist” crap?
Honestly
May 27th, 2005 at 11:05 am
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