More beer please, we’re Irish
Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on May 10th, 2005
The President of the Vintner’s Association has claimed that the new Café bar licences, like the one I spoke about yesterday, will only encourage binge drinking and he’s very unhappy about that because he wants people to binge drink in pubs and not other places.
I think the new licences are a great idea. For too long we’ve been slaves to the pub. Now we can go elsewhere and get drinks. Perhaps it doesn’t go too far though. Think of all the other great places you could have a beer.
- Petrol stations: How long does it take to fill your car up? Surely there’s enough time for a pint. As you’re putting petrol in the tank you could fill up a glass from the beer pump beside the petrol one.
- Waiting room: Doctors, dentists, hospitals, that place you get when you need a birth certificate. All boring as fuck. Slap a bar in the corner and it makes waiting much easier plus it would make people talk to each other more and make us more social.
- Church: Attendances at mass have been falling for years. I know I’d be tempted to go if I could sink a pint while the lad in the dress did his holy stuff up the top. Not many people know that the Catholic Church in Ireland is given a subsidy which would allow them to undercut the price of beer in bars by 50%. It’s shocking they don’t provide this service to their customers. Get with the times, Churchers.
- Taxis: Sometimes you can find yourself in a car with a very entertaining taxi driver. Other times you’re in the car with someone you’d rather feed to a hungry panther. Having a hotel style mini-bar in the back would be a perfect way to make the uninteresting bloke more bearable.
- Supermarkets: What a pain in the hoop those places are. Install a bar and put a bar pint holder on the trolley and shopping will never be such fun. Incidents of trolley-rage would decrease sharply as people would be more relaxed and too much in need of a piss to fight.
- Intensive care units: Poor bloke, lying there all bandaged from head to toe after a horrific accident. In traction. Can’t move his arms or legs. And we’re denying him beer? What have we become? ICU pints could be delivered intravenously giving blessed relief to those who need it most.
- Courts: How many fuckers go to court every day and lie through their teeth? Loads of fuckers, that’s how many. Lash a few beers into them though and they become braggers of the highest order and will admit and confess to the crimes they have committed. Easy.
Anywhere else you reckon we need beer?
Scaryduck says:
Schools: They keep telling us that crime amongst young people is often drink-related, and this is because THEY CANNOT TAKE THEIR ALE. Why not, then, have bars in schools to teach the young ‘uns how to drink large quantities of booze without feeling the need to crap in doorways and beat up old grannies? It’s a win-win!
May 10th, 2005 at 9:46 am
Freak says:
Immigration office and Motortax offices - imagine how much more fun those depressing places would become!
In fact, both places could have beer stands outside so that people can get tanked up while they’re qeueing before the places open up.
May 10th, 2005 at 10:43 am
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fatmammycat says:
In the dentists. I’m terrified of dentists, and I’m pretty sure a few tipples would make me either less so or just plain old belligerent-in which case he mght knock me out fully-which I would appreciate greatly.
Toodles
May 10th, 2005 at 11:07 am
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festinog says:
AA meetings. All those miserable people lamenting sobriety. A couple of pints would sort them right out. Amen.
May 10th, 2005 at 3:23 pm
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festinog says:
PS Cunts.
May 10th, 2005 at 3:24 pm
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Mad Dog says:
Libraries. What could be better than to enjoy a pint while catching up on some reading. It would make them less dreary too.
May 10th, 2005 at 5:20 pm
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Tommy says:
Jails. The drug problem inside needs to be sorted out, heading down the corridor for a quick pint would sort out the lad’s good and proper. It would also help to kill off a few thousand of them, herion keeps them too mellow, a few pints and they’d be kicking the shit out of each other.
May 10th, 2005 at 5:46 pm
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Anonymous says:
Twenty, the ‘Little People’ need lovin’ too! xxoo GER
May 10th, 2005 at 10:47 pm
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Conánn says:
Atleast you can still smoke in a petrol station
May 11th, 2005 at 9:29 am
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Conánn says:
Atleast you can still smoke in petrol stations
May 11th, 2005 at 9:30 am
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Tommy says:
I say I hate cunts who repeat themselves.
May 11th, 2005 at 9:40 am
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Tommy says:
I hate cunts who repeat themselves.
May 11th, 2005 at 9:40 am
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Conánn says:
Sorry couldn’t fucking help it! Blogger’s a cunt.
May 11th, 2005 at 5:28 pm
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