Monthly Archives: May 2005
Russians
Do you know that if you don’t understand Russian but attempt to talk a Russian using sign language and wild gesticulations they’ll look at you as if they have no idea what you’re on about and get cross and walk … Continue reading
Check in
Morning dear readers, as I may have mentioned, or more likely forgotten in a drunken stupour, I am currently away from Dublin in a highly secret location carrying out important negotiations which could have a major influence on the world … Continue reading
If I could…
…use a Justin Timberlake song to describe this morning’s stool it would be ‘Poo me a river’.
Oh, good shot, Sir.
So yesterday a couple of members of a well known criminal gang set off to rob a post office in north county Dublin. Somehow the Gardai got wind of this and set off to stop them. When they arrived there … Continue reading
On another entirely different note…
…coffee, first thing in the morning, really makes me need to poo.
More strange beasts
Continuing the theme from yesterday I got to thinking about what the world would be like if there really were mythical creatures like you read about in books. Imagine a place where there were unicorns, dragons, griffins and Red Indians. … Continue reading
New Dangermaus…
….with a Star Wars feel. Read. Enjoy. New Dangermaus!
Do you know what I hate?
Fucking scorpions, and I don’t mean the German soft-rock band either, nor do I mean actually fucking scorpions. It would be impossible anyway because female scorpions don’t have a gee and shoot their babies out of their mouths. Scorpions are … Continue reading
Casinos in Dublin
So Dermot Desmond, half-reverse brother of Bishop Desmond Tutu, is looking to open a casino in Dublin. Me and Jimmy the Bollix and Ron the Barman’s brother, Staring Larry, spent a week in Las Vegas once. Larry speaks about three … Continue reading
Star Wars – Revenge of the Sith
I went to see this on Friday night. There are many times in my life I’ve wished for a lightsabre. Or a lightsabre-toothed tiger. Come on technology, get with the times. Overall I thought it was pretty good although George … Continue reading
I went to see this on Friday night. There are many times in my life I’ve wished for a lightsabre. Or a lightsabre-toothed tiger. Come on technology, get with the times. Overall I thought it was pretty good although George Lucas is to writing dialogue what Elton John is to not taking it up the chuff. Anyway, I thought you might be interested in some little known Star Wars facts.
- The character of Han Solo was originally to be called ‘Malachy Magopaleen’ but Lucas changed it at the last minute when Harisson Ford punched him in the testicles.
- All Ewoks from Return of the Jedi were burnt to death at the end of shooting. Sadly some dwarves were unable to remove their costumes and perished in searing agony.
- Carrie Fisher once got roasted by Chewbacca and Lando Calrissian on the roof of the Millenium Falcon.
- RD+D2-C3/PO = Pi
- In his school reports Lucas was called a ‘weakly skulker’ by teachers. Scribbling that down on a piece of paper he re-arranged the letters and came up with the name ‘Luke Skywalker’. He was unable to do anything with the phrase ‘Must work harder, the beardy shite.’
- The US government under Ronald Reagan was well known for its ‘Star Wars’ defence program but not many people realise they’ve been building a real life Death Star on the dark side of the moon.
- Every single storm trooper was gay.
- Former Irish footballer Paul McGrath played bounty hunter Bobba Fett in the new series of films but he was digitally replaced by a completely different actor after he kept turning up on set eating kebabs. George Lucas is violently allergic to red cabbage.
- Jabba the Hut’s character was based on how Karen Carpenter saw herself when she looked in the mirror.
- Yoda said “Fear is the path to the dark side”. Other paths to the dark side include religion, not drinking enough alcohol, Damien Rice and capers.
So there are some Star Wars facts for you to amaze your friends and colleagues with today. May the force be with you, go now or forever hold your peace. Or something.