Watch out Jason Byrne
Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on April 29th, 2005
If there’s one person you shouldn’t have nicked your material from it’s Bane. Luckily for you he’s thousands of miles away but if you ever tour America I suggest staying away from his home town.
What town is his home town, you ask? Not telling. It’ll be like Russian Roulette comedy touring.
This morning I have just a bit of a hangover having gone out drinking with Jimmy the Bollix last night. Nothing funny happened at all. We sat in the pub drinking pints until it was time to go home. I went home and had a few more cans of beer. Then I went to bed. When I woke up this morning my mouth was dry and my stomach was churning.
Have I told you before that I have a dog? Well, if not, I have a dog. His name is Bastard Face. “Get him, Bastard Face!” is one of my favourite things to say as we walk through the kiddie’s playground in Bushy Park. He doesn’t like children though. I should clarify that. He doesn’t like eating children. Actually he’s a very good natured dog. I can’t tell you what make of dog he is. He’s sort of a mix between a Doberman, a West Highland White terrier and a pony.
He can breathe fire and climb trees and he always poos in the same part of the garden.
And that’s the end of the story about my pet, by Twenty Major, age: Old.
johnny5 says:
Why not make up a hilarious japescapade involving jimmy and some tourists like you normally do.
for shame, Twenty, for shame.
April 29th, 2005 at 10:45 am
Anonymous says:
Cunt Fruit
Just wondering if you’ve experienced any ill feeling towards fruit over the years Twenty ?
Don’t get me wrong, the odd time I feel like I’m getting a bit cancery I start eating a bit of fruit but what annoys me is the range of yuppie fruit that’s started to appear.
At a number of weddings lately I’ve noticed that for decoration they’ve started to include a dirty little thing on the desert dish called a physalis.
Besides sounding like a veneral disease, they’re tasteless little bastards and now I’ve noticed that the likes of Tesco’s are selling them so they’re going to be everywhere now - BBQ’s, family meals, etc.
These are the type of fruit some wanker would serve up just to make you squirm and of course when you’ve downed most of the piss poor wine that he’s served up to you there’s just no way you’re going to be able to pronounce it when you say to him he can ’shove it up his . . . ‘.
Love the blog, will buy you a pint of stout in Mulligans if I ever see you in there.
http://www.obsess.com/fruit/physalis
April 29th, 2005 at 11:25 am
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Twenty Major says:
I’m not a great fan of Kiwis, I have to say. They’re too testicley for my liking.
April 29th, 2005 at 11:37 am
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Anonymous says:
Jaysus you think Kiwi’s are testically, wait ’til you try these yokes : Rambutan
http://obsess.com/fruit/rambutan
April 29th, 2005 at 11:45 am
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Twenty Major says:
I think I might give those a miss.
April 29th, 2005 at 11:58 am
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Jimmy Doyle says:
I think lychees are the really testicley ones. Yuck.
And I would just like to reiterate that St Patrick did not invent the etch-a-sketch. You shouldn’t believe everything you read on Mr Major’s weblog.
April 29th, 2005 at 1:28 pm
5
Twenty Major says:
Fuck you, Jimmy.
Saint Patrick so did invent the Etch-a-sketch.
April 29th, 2005 at 5:52 pm
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Tommy says:
Twenty, the busman is having a rant on his blog about old folks, you should drop by and abuse the cunt,I did.
http://busmanblog.blogspot.com/
April 29th, 2005 at 11:38 pm
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Jimmy Doyle says:
Bollocks Major. As I’ve already had occasion to point out, everyone knows it was St Bonaventure.
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