The little ways that I’ve changed the world

Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on April 4th, 2005

I know all of us have made our mark on this crazy old world we live in. Whether that’s through an invention, our job, graffiti, a work of art, literature or music, whatever. But how many of you have done something which causes a huge corporation to change a part of its organisation all over Ireland?

Not many, I suspect. I’ll tell you what happened.

I’m a much healthier eater now than I used to be and for a while I used to visit McDonald’s a bit more than I should. Not enough to turn my liver to paste like that Morgan Spunkcock bloke but I’d go maybe once a week, sometimes twice.

What I ate is not important because that wasn’t the best part of my trip to McDonalds. The best part was when I was finshed and I’d get up to dump my stuff in the bin. What I enjoyed though was not merely tipping my emtpy Big Mac carton and drink container in - it was throwing the tray in as well. Everytime I went I fucked the tray and whatever was on it in the bin. It never, ever ceased to amuse me.

Then one day I was in McDonalds in Rathmines. Early evening, I suppose. I got my food, scoffed down its nutritious goodness, drank my cola, ate my chips, scratched my arse, farted, then got up to put the seal on my visit. I wandered over, tray in hand, opened up the bin, breathed deeply to savour the moment and sent it to the arse end of the rubbish container.

‘Superb!’ I thought. Another classic ‘Twenty puts it to the man’ moment. That was until a hand caught me on the shoulder.

“Yroo caaaan’t pfuut dat in derrrrrr!” said the slightly handicapped young man with a speech impediment I turned around to face.

“What?” says I.

“Yroo caaaan’t pfuut dat in derrrrrr!” he said again.

“Put what?”

“De traaaaaaaaaaaay! Yrooo caaaaaan’t pfut de trrrrrraaaay in derrrrr.”

“Did I put the tray in there?” I asked, shocked as shocked could be. “I do apologise, young man. It’ll never happen again.”

So I left without the situation going on further and looked forward to my next visit. However, that little cunt obviously told on me because now the bins in McDonalds have these kind of guard things on top so you can only throw the rubbish in. The tray won’t fit.

That was the last time I ever got to throw the tray in the bin in McDonalds and I don’t go there at all now, really. So you can see, it was thanks to my dispensing of their trays and the vigilanace of a young worker that McDonalds has been changed forever.

Fuck their new range of salads and healthy foods, nobody cares about that, Jamie cunting Oliver, but guard rails over rubbish bins. These are the kind of changes that matter.

Have you ever changed the world in such terrible fashion?