Monthly Archives: April 2005
Watch out Jason Byrne
If there’s one person you shouldn’t have nicked your material from it’s Bane. Luckily for you he’s thousands of miles away but if you ever tour America I suggest staying away from his home town. What town is his home … Continue reading
Nothing to say except…
So should I say that I’ve got nothing to say or just not say anything at all? Actually I should say thanks to Kev who told me the two unfunny blokes on that RTE show were Jason Byrne and Kevin … Continue reading
Name those cunts
I know I should know better but I watched TV again last night and it was some show called ‘Reverb’ which looked at RTE’s music archives. There was some funny stuff on it, especially Dickie Rock but most especially the … Continue reading
I have a really hairy arse
Ever see Hollywood men in films when they do their nudey bit? They always have an arse that’s a smooth as a baby’s bottom but if you stuck a pair of glasses and a set of buck teeth on mine … Continue reading
ha-fucking-ha
I just got an email with a joke and at the end of the joke it said: If this doesn ‘ t make you laugh, you’re having a really bad day!! Erm, no. If this doesn’t make me laugh, and … Continue reading
Aliens in Callan
Bernie is advertising for aliens on his blog and recommending Callan in County Kilkenny as the perfect safe haven. Now, if you’ve never been to Callan then take my word for it when I tell you it’s the most deeply … Continue reading
Musical instruments I hate
I like music as much as the next man. When it’s good it’s really good but when it’s bad there’s nothing worse. Apart from stuff like eating poo or someone else’s sick but you know what I mean. Anyway, there … Continue reading
Twenty the Jackal
Italy. What a strange place, so full of Italians and mopeds and people driving like they want to die as soon as possible. I was there once, this was in 1978 or so. I was in Rome just sketching about, … Continue reading
The new Pope is up your hole picking daisies
So my application for Pope was, as you might have gathered, unsuccessful. This is because they’ve elected a new Pope. Cardinal Ratzinger becomes Pope Eggs Benedict XVI. He is a healthy 78 years of age. Maybe it’s just me but … Continue reading
Online poker and Martin Luther King’s statue
This online poker is all the rage, so it is. I’m quite the card shark myself but I like to play amongst my friends. There’s nothing sweeter than going home with a big pile of money while Jimmy the Bollix, … Continue reading
This online poker is all the rage, so it is. I’m quite the card shark myself but I like to play amongst my friends. There’s nothing sweeter than going home with a big pile of money while Jimmy the Bollix, Stinking Pete, Ron the Barman, Dirty Dave and old pigeon loving Charlie sit glum faced at the table plotting my painful demise.
Of course there’s nothing I hate more than losing to those cunts either but that’s all part of the fun. I was looking at the Indepenent online website and in one of the stories they had this ad for online poker:
Now seriously. Where’s the fun in playing poker with mentally handicapped people? I know the chances of winning are seriously increased but even I have some standards. I have to admit that one time, when I was very young I should add, we did rob a mentally handicapped guy of his money tin as he went door to door in our neighbourhood and spent the money on flaggins of cider, but I’ve made my retribution for that many times over.
Anyway, it’s probably all a trick. VC Poker are trying to lull you into playing their poker by putting a picture of that special needs guy on their ad but all the while it’ll be proper poker virtuosos ready to take your money.
Elsewhere I saw a story about how a town in North Carolina is taking down a statue of Martin Luther King so they can put up a more ‘African American’ statue. Problem is nobody can figure out what to put to make him more African American. So, to the people of Rocky Mount, here’s what you do:
A statue of Martin Luther King dressed in baggy pants, unlaced trainers, a basketball top on (with his own name and number 68 on the back), dripping with gold jewellery, eating a huge bucket of fried chicken with ‘biscuits’, with a ghetto-blaster at his feet, break-dancing, singing sweet soul music, being wise in Hollywood films like Morgan Freeman and with a posse of guys with their arms folded all around him.
Is that it in a nutshell or am I watching too much MTV?