Saint Patrick’s day facts
Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on March 17th, 2005
Some Saint Patrick facts:
- Someone once told me Saint Patrick was Welsh. I told him not to be stupid and that Welsh people weren’t real.
- Saint Patrick got rid of all the snakes in Ireland but he seems to have missed Gerry Adams and Martin McGuinness (boom tish).
- Saint Patrick got a nun pregnant, killed her and threw her body off Bray head.
- Over 245,000,000,000 Americans celebrate Saint Patrick’s day claiming Irish ancestory of some kind. President George W Bush is 1/4 Irish having spent 26 hours here last year.
- Saint Patrick invented the Etch-a-sketch
- The Saint Patrick’s Day parade is a pickpockets dream. Jimmy the Bollix made over €3,500 last year.
- If you run around the Spire twelve times saying the Hail Mary backwards at midnight Saint Patrick will appear and give you a leather drink pouch filled with ancient and delicious whisky.
- Saint Patrick once had a bare-knuckle fight with the champion of the traveller’s bare-knuckle fighting circuit and beat the crap out of him so badly the traveller crapped his pants and left the country. This was the first instance of an Irish traveller going to England. More were to follow as Saint Patrick punched his way around Ireland.
- If you are born on March 17th Irish law states your parents must give you the name Patrick. Or Trevor.
- Saint Patrick used to lift his cloak and flash at housewives on Middle Abbey Street.
- Before he died Saint Patrick was summoned to Rome by the Pope. Saint Patrick made the treacherous 4 week journey and when he arrived in the Vatican he called the Pope a cunt and told him to ‘feck off’.
- I am currently writing a book called ‘Da Diddly-eye code’ in which I fabricate evidence about Saint Patrick being the anti-christ backed up by examination of Jack Yeats’ paintings and the lyrics of Neil Hannon from the Divine Comedy.
For a Saint Patrick’s day quiz go visit Diarmuid Geezer. Now, it’s just about time for a pint. See you, hungover, tomorrow…