Some stuff I hate

Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on March 16th, 2005

People called Roy - what cunts they are. I once knew a bloke called Roy who was the biggest cunt of all time anyway but then he did a sponsored blindathon where he lived like a blind person to raise money for something or to get his name in the papers which made him an even bigger biggest cunt of all time. While I don’t wish him dead I do hope he’s in his fifth year of a terminal and excruciatingly painful disease.

Griffins - just because.

Hilary Swank - she makes me sick. Is she a man? Is she a woman? Nobody knows. I say kill it now before it breeds.

Cloves - what is the fucking point of cloves? They taste like the discharge from Satan’s cock and if you ask me how I know what that tastes like I’ll have to just point to my great age and experience. I’ve been through a lot. The worst are those clove rock sweets - red and white and looking delicious. However, they taste vile. They should be banned so as not to offend me any more.

People who play accordions or trumpets on public transport in Europe - you’re trying to read a book while you travel to your destination. Two fucking Romanians get on and ask you pardon their behaviour before launching into a fucking cunting bastardy medly of cunty songs on their ancient instruments. Fuck off and get AIDS and give it to your daughters you rotten cunts.

Damien Rice fans - don’t you realise if you ignore him he’ll go away? Stop buying his records and going to his gigs. He’ll disappear like a common Steven ‘Tintin’ Duffy.

Other people’s farts - my farts are entertaining and hilarious, often loud and nearly always sweet smellingly good. Other people’s are vile and obnoxious and stink like Terence Trent D’Arby’s second album. I hate them.

Clouds - Clouds are gay. I don’t need to say any more.

Cockroaches - with all the technology we have in the world these scuttling cunts are still the only things that will survive a nuclear war (apart from Dubya and his fuck-buddies in their underground bunkers). Surely there must be some chemical, pesticide or poison that will get rid of them once and for all. If not why don’t we recategorise them as food for starving Africans which will mean they’ll run out all of a sudden and cause a massive famine. Problem solved.

Trying to scratch an itchy hole by just moving your arse on a chair - Social niceties demanded that we do not scratch our holes in public, especially in mass, so you were forced to wiggle your arse cheeks around to try and ease the itch. Now I just have a good root around till comfort comes but I hate the years I was forced to spend wiggling like an altar boy in the presbetery knowing his turn for a private audience with the priest was next.

Southern Comfort - Alcohol should taste like alcohol and not a child’s lolly. A drink for cunts.

Paedophile dwarves - Dwarves are disgusting enough as it is but paedophile dwarves like the one sentenced to four years in prison yesterday are sick beyond words. Imagine the trauma of being sexually abused and then having to come to terms with the fact it was a dwarf with his iddy-biddy little hands and massive head. Drown the cunt, I say.

What stuff do you hate?