Counterfeit Jonnies

Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on March 15th, 2005

Have you seen this story about counterfeit condoms?

I know there’s a huge market for counterfeit goods - whether it’s DVD, fake sunglasses and watches, Fendi bags (whatever the fuck they are), clothes and so on but who the fuck decides to manufacture counterfeit jonnies? Apparently the easiest way to tell if you’ve got a dodgy batch is to check the colours. If they come in a range of colours and can be made into different types of animals when you inflate them then you should send them back.

What’s next though? Counterfeit food? Chinese take-aways selling us cat and pigeon instead of duck and chicken?

Counterfeit suntans? People smearing on a brown paste to make themselves look like they have a tan when everyone knows it’s as fake as Ryan Tubridy’s niceness on TV.

Counterfeit hair? Maybe people will have hairpieces made to hide the fact they’re as bald as coots. Where will it end?

Speaking of bald and coots - the latest edition of Dangermaus rolled off the cyber presses last night and features stories about Dickie Rock, St Patrick’s Day and the Taoiseach’s Sea-Monkey problem. Click here for Dangermausy goodness now.

Finally there should be (he said fingers crossed) a new comments system in place this morning. Blogger’s comments were taking ages to load, if they loaded at all, so I was forced to look for an alternative. If you would all be so kind as to christen the new pop-uppy system and say hello (or fuck off you beardy old cunt, up to you) this morning that would be great. Comments will be listed as ‘major’. eg. 1 Major, 2 Major. Who will be lucky enough to get the first ever mythical prize-winning* ‘20 Major’?

*Prize does not exist.