Monthly Archives: March 2005

I read with delight yesterday about some group of fucking hippy, do-gooder cunts who have objected to Ireland’s football team playing a match against Israel next week.

Now, we all know there’s a little bit of tension between the Israelis and the Palestinians – something akin to the problems that exist between the northside and southside of Dublin but obviously not quite so intense. So anyway, these witless twerps launch a campaign with a picture of an Israeli number 10 shirt with the words ‘Say no to apartheid’ on it as a stinging rebuke of Israel’s policies.

What Jim Bowen (not the presenter of TV’s favourite darts show Bullseye but of University College Cork), spokesman of the Ireland-Palestine Solidarity Campaign didn’t realise is that the number 10 shirt is worn by a bloke called Walid Badir who is a Palestine Arab and one of the most popular players in Israel.

He also didn’t realise that 30% of the players in the Israeli league are Palestinian Arabs, that an Arab team are the current champions and that football is one of the only things that Israelis and Palestinians do together which doesn’t include plastic explosives, buses and cafés.

Displaying heretofore unprecedented levels of asinine cuntery he said “To be frank I don’t follow soccer. I am not interested in individual details.”

So he’s making a protest about something he obviously knows something about using a medium he knows nothing about. Now that’s some good thinking right there. Bowen, who obviously is studying for a degree in ‘How to be a stupid bastard’, went onto say the inclusion of Arab players on the Israeli team was “window dressing” and described Badir as a “token Arab”.

So after admitting he knows nothing about football he somehow thinks he’s in a position to comment on the make up of the Israeli national team? Arsewipe.

People like the Ireland-Palestine Solidarity Campaign do my fucking head in. I bet they’re a bunch of crusty cocksuckers with fuck all else to do. If you’re that fucking worried, Jim Bowen, get fucking over there and do something about it in person instead of sitting in the computer room in UCC releasing badly Photoshopped pictures of football shirts.

I can never bring myself to trust a man who doesn’t like football. What the fuck did they do when they were kids then? Played with dolls or wrote poems or some other less than male stuff, that’s what. Men who don’t like football are not real men. Men who don’t like football and launch campaigns against shit that really has nothing to do with them are fucking stupid arsehole cunts.

It’s like those fucking twats who crawl out of a hole in the ground whenever somebody wants to build a new road. These so called eco-warriors pipe up “Oh no! You can’t build a road through there. This is the breeding ground of the Triple-shelled arse-snail.”

Did anybody give a fish’s tit about the Triple-shelled arse-snail before? No. Does anybody care now? No. So what’s the fucking problem? If these cunts continually get in the way of schemes like this then they should be bludgeoned to death and then we tarmac over them. Problem solved. People can go back to not giving a shite about the Triple-shelled arse-snail and we can get to where we want to go quicker because of the fantastic new road.

What about those urban crusties who hate globalisation and all that stuff? All those idealistic, shoot their mouth off wankers who complain about sweatshops and homogeny and they all stand around in their Nike trainers, Calvin Klein boxers and stop off for a Burger King or McDonald’s after a hard day of bongo playing, picking the lice out of their mini-dreadlocks and smoking spliffs. Gobshites.

The shitebag do-gooder was never more prevalent than after the Tsunami©®. Yes, it was terrible, but the odious cretins out collecting made you wish it had fucking had the legs to cross Europe and drown a few of them as well. “But Ireland is a nation that likes to help people because we have a connection with every bad thing that ever happens in the world because of our own famine” they bleat.

Yes, what a caring nation we are. We welcome foreigners who want to live here with open arms and help them integrate into society (well, the girls from Ballymun do anyway when you look at the amount of mulatto babies). Do we bollocks. I saw Ardal O’Hanlon (a not terribly funny Irish comedian famous for his role in sitcom Father Ted) talking on a chatshow once about how Ireland, proportionately, gave more to Live Aid in 1985 than any other country. His shining comedy moment came when he told the chat show host “We didn’t expect them to come over and thank us personally though.”

Anyway, I’m straying away from the point here, which is that the Ireland-Palestine Solidarity Campaign is typical of all these various types of do-gooder cunt that infect the world today. Ill-informed, oblivious to making fools out of themselves in public and would be far more useful if they were beheaded, ground down into some kind of food and sent to Africa to feed famine victims.

So there.