Goths, trannies and skateboarders - kill them all
Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on February 28th, 2005
Skateboarders in West Dublin have won a five-year battle to build a local skate park, and new government funding could now lead to other such facilities around the country.
Wonderful news for the baggy-panted, lice infested, Tony Hawks wannabes that infest our fair city. If they all have to go to Lucan to skate it means they’re well away from me and with airborne disease and rats the size of cats rampant out there chances are lots of them will never come back. I heartily endorse this idea and would even contribute €5 to make it happen as quickly as possible.
But who else could we get rid of by building them a special place?
Goths: Yes, the world is a miserable place, there’s little or no point to life and you would be better of dead because nobody cares about you anyway. So let’s help them on their way by creating a giant room with red velvet walls and black wax candles with easy access to handguns. Just put them in your mouth and pull the trigger. Then we can all blame Marilyn Manson and feel better.
Gorks: These are a cross between Goths and Dorks. They’re internet goths if you like. Making a special website giving them details of how to commit suicide online should take a few of these wretched cretins out.
People with weirdly spiked hair: There was a time when people used to spike only the top of their hair. Now though you see people with the top, sides and back all spiked in different directions. Obviously this is unacceptable on many levels. To bring this infestation under control we create a kind of caged boxing ring and use industrial starch to ensure the spiked hair is rock solid. Then combatatants must go at each other like rutting stags until one lies dead. The winner is then shot in the face.
Convenience store staff: For all the people that work in Centra or Spar and other such shops we can create a new kingdom, a land with strange customs, a giant wall and obscenely muscled gymnasts. We can call it China and…erm…
Oh.
Politicans: VAT, you say? I’ll give you VAT you feckless thieves. A large vat of boiling oil can go on public display at the Royal Hospital in Kilmainham and once a week a front bench politician is dipped in it up his or her genitals. We’ll then make a reality TV show about their struggle to survive called ‘When politicians get dipped in boiling oil’ and it can air every night on TV3 with camp presenter Alan Hughes as the frontman.
Anyone who thinks Shirley Temple Bar is funny: The worst drag queen anybody has ever seen is a firm favourite of people who like Telly Bingo and patrons of the George (Dublin’s premier gay bar). Problem is Shirley is about as funny as having your entire family gang raped and butchered before your very eyes before having your penis sliced in two, your testicles crushed in a vice and having a knitting needle rammed into your ear.
DIE CUNT
Therefore anyone who finds it (STB) funny needs to be got rid of. I suggest we invest in a large rocket ship and send them all into space. Either that or Mullingar. Whichever is cheaper.
D4 rugger girls: The ones who wear the faded jeans, a rugby shirt (always with a white collar) and a blue jumper thrown over their shoulders. Their only interest is finding a man who’s played for Clongowes or Blackrock, who works in a bank and drives a BMW at least. What we do here is tell them there’s a special ‘Single men for free’ night at Anabel’s Nightclub, lock the cunts in and come back in a month. Survivors can then be prosecuted for canibalism.
Who would you get rid of?
Moriarty says:
Povvos who smoke outside their place of work, huddled around like plague victims. It’s only the menial fuckers who do it, you don’t see a load of suits outside Davys chuffing on a Regal.
February 28th, 2005 at 11:39 am
Scaryduck says:
Tony Hawk: Rad, sick skateboarding dude.
Tony Hawks: Middle-aged non-stakeboarding comedian who once pushed a fridge round Ireland.
You’re not the first to get one cunt mixed up with another, but it makes for entertaining reading:
February 28th, 2005 at 1:19 pm
1
Twenty Major says:
heh, cheers Scary.
I loved this: “Audrey,
I don’t answer gay questions. Especially from girls. It wouldn’t be right.
TH”
February 28th, 2005 at 1:26 pm
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johnny5 says:
Romanian Gypsies
The entire cast of Fair city
non-French people that wear Berets
Burn them, burn them all.
February 28th, 2005 at 3:38 pm
3
Anonymous says:
the deaf. we can send them all to an island with a DSS on every corner and they can beep at each other to their heart’s content while waving their hands and pulling odd faces.
i dont like the deaf.
Queen of Sleaze
February 28th, 2005 at 3:51 pm
4
Tommy says:
Wha? Speak up sleazy, don’t like the deaf, why theres nothing more interesting than watching two deaf people have a conversation, you would think they were gonna come to blows until you see them heading for the coffee shop for a quiet chat.
February 28th, 2005 at 7:27 pm
5
peter snees says:
Damn, you beat me to Shirley Temple Bar. It always struck me as surreal that a TV program as granny-friendly as Telly Bingo would be presented by an unfunny tranny with bad teeth.
I would nominate Marian Finucane, that fucking harpy, people who wear Greek fishermen’s caps (other than Greek fishermen), Pat Kenny and just about every cunt who writes for the Sunday Indo.
Not to mention every cunt in every Dunnes in Ireland who won’t GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY WHEN I’M TRYING TO SPEND MONEY IN THIS FUCKING SHOP!
March 1st, 2005 at 5:10 pm
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Bane says:
Fuck me, I wuz gonna suggest we kill all the Irish, blaming y’all for our benighted Teddy Kennedy as I do, but then I bemembered how much I be lovin potatos and corned beef, and being drunk, I decided ye can live another day.
Plus, yer funnier than Canadians, a group of cunts who have become extremely tiresome of late.
March 2nd, 2005 at 6:39 am
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Anonymous says:
Americans? All they seem capable of is invading nations they sponsored into terrorism, making crap TV shows, telling the rest of the world how to speak English, being stupid and convincing everyone obesity is a disease. A disease? When was the last time you chased a few cattle around a field, fucking yank?
March 4th, 2005 at 11:12 pm
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Bane says:
Well, at least if I chased a cow around a field, it would be for food, and not to fuck it, you jealous pommy perve. With all the diaper-heads you’ve gone and let in, the next Islamic country we invade may be you, wanker. Be sure to wear a pansy in yer cap so’s I can recognize you and grind a boot in yer face like we did your King George’s gets.
March 7th, 2005 at 2:23 am
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leon says:
Why don’t you have cancer yet?
November 9th, 2006 at 6:29 pm
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Twenty Major says:
Fuck off, Leon.
November 9th, 2006 at 6:38 pm
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oh dear me.
what is the point eh? what?
too much time and enrgy on your hands to be wasted.
nevermind eh. you’ll be dead one day.
November 17th, 2007 at 9:28 pm
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Goths, we should just kill the fucking saddos, theyre always complaining how they hate there lives and the world so lets do them a favour and shoot their fucking dopy brains out with AK47’s
April 11th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
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I think it would be a good idea to kill all the third world population then move all the non-english benifit sucking assylem seeking terrorist or just anyone who isnt english who then decides to come to england to the third world countrys and watch them suffer. Yes that was a very long sentence but it needed to be said.
April 12th, 2008 at 2:24 am
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