Inappropriate commemoration
Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on February 23rd, 2005
I read this morning that to mark the anniversary of the building of the Titanic, ill-fated ship which sadly only took the life of Leonardo di Caprio on-screen, a giant iceberg is going to be towed into Belfast harbour. Of course it’s the plan of an ‘artist’ who has sensibly left the word conceptual out of her title.
It does seem a bit inappropriate though considering the unsinkable ship was sunk by an iceberg all those years ago. It got me thinking what other inappropriate celebrations could we be looking forward to in the coming years.
- The anniversary of the Hindenburg airship could be marked by tethering a giant airship to the ground and setting it on fire while dozens of people suck helium from balloons and run around shrieking ‘Oh the humanity!’ in high-pitched voices.
- The Chernobyl explosion killed many and affected millions more as radioactive fallout covered vast areas of Europe. To mark this occasion we could staple extra limbs and eyes to babies to make them look like mutants while a man dressed as our favourite nuclear safety inspector, Homer Simpson, runs around glowing bright green.
- Exxon Valdez - a giant oil tanker driven by a hopeless drunk crashed in Alaska spilling millions of gallons of crude oil and devestating the wildlife. To ensure nothing like this ever happens again let’s get some seals, polar bears and drunken sea-captains, paint them with hammerite and deliver them to hippy layabouts Greenpeace.
- Let’s commemorate the Space Shuttle Challenger explosion with a massive fireworks display.
- Union Carbide’s gas leak in Bhopal in India left nearly 4,000 dead and thousands more injured or sick. What about building a statue in the shape of a giant gas mask? ‘Oh the humanity irony!’
- Closer to home we could commemorate the famine by removing every single piece of food from every single shop for a period of 8 months leaving only rotten potatoes for people to scrap over.
- Or we could pay our respects to the victims of the Stardust disaster by getting David Bowie, dressed as Ziggy of course, to sing a benefit gig then setting him ablaze during his encore.
- Or the U2 Croke Park disaster of 2005 could be….
…oh, I’ve said too much.
Scaryduck says:
My grandad was chief engineer at Harland and Woolf in Belfast. We don’t talk much about “that unfortunate Titanic business - hey look another ship!”
February 23rd, 2005 at 11:16 am
R. Delevan says:
“Or the U2 Croke Park disaster of 2005 could be….oh, I’ve said too much.”
I knew it. Twenty is the seventh member of the Army Council; fellow members Grumpy and Bashful aren’t going to be happy about this leak.
February 23rd, 2005 at 1:42 pm
1
Twenty Major says:
Scary - You’d have thought the chief engineer at Harland and Woolf would have run the ship through some perfunctory iceberg, hull, shredding metal tests.
Richard - please save the exposé on your blog until September.
Ta.
February 23rd, 2005 at 4:42 pm
2
nanuk says:
- Or toasting the anniversary of the Jonestown massacre with a special grape kool-aid cocktail.
February 23rd, 2005 at 5:51 pm
3
Ian Paisley says:
No wonder it sank, it was mostly Catholics that built it.
February 23rd, 2005 at 7:19 pm
4
Scaryduck says:
Away with ya! Gradpa Scary was a decent, hardworking Proddy type. He didn’t get to be chief engineer by being a Catlick, y’know. However, they wouldn’t let him have a sash, which is no bad thing, I suppose.
February 24th, 2005 at 4:48 pm
5
Kim du Toit says:
Something about “setting David Bowie on fire” just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy…
February 28th, 2005 at 5:56 pm
6
20 a punk bastard says:
Twenty creep are still living with your mother? Lazy little fucker,drop your cock and get a job.
April 14th, 2006 at 8:54 am
7