Asylum

Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on February 15th, 2005

I read this morning that almost 6,000 illegal immigrants avoided attempts to deport them after their applications for asylum were turned down. The law says that these people have to be notified in advance that they’re being chucked out so they just move, most of them fecking off to England which is fine as the English love illegal immigrants.

What I propose we do here though is make some subtle changes to the system. Don’t restrict the influx of illegal immigrants at all. Why’s that, you ask? Well, here’s what you do. With the swarm of giant shopping centres based around the M50 motorway let’s raze The Square in Tallaght and in its place we’ll build an 18th century style asylum. A monstrous grey building with iron bars, damp corners and stone bath houses.

When illegal immigrants apply for asylum simply say ‘Yes, that’s no problem. Sign here please’ and when they mark an X or leave their paw-print on the piece of paper we just put them in the asylum they applied to join. In there they can live for the rest of their lives in austere conditions, having wonderful therapies like electric shock treatment and frontal lobotomies, bathing in cold water and eating easy-to-prepare and cheap gruel.

I guarantee you that after a while applications for asylum in Ireland will slump, the cost of running the place for the lifespan of the existing inmates will be more than offset by the savings made from years of not having to pay social welfare to thousands of new immigrants every year and we could even get the most mentally damaged residents to play each other in violent sports like ice hockey and gaelic football.

It’s a winning idea you have to agree and it solves the ongoing problem of illegal immigrants, asylum seekers and what to do with doctors who’ve been struck off for being crap.