Gerry Adams and the Northern Bank Robbery
Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on February 11th, 2005
After some commission or other decided the IRA was responsible for the recent bank robbery in the North and that senior members of Sinn Fein knew about it there were some harsh words from IRA Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams yesterday. He accused the government of playing ‘dirty politics’ and challenged the Taoiseach, Dirty Ahern, to have him arrested if he was so sure he had something to do with it all.
Of course nobody really believes Sinn Fein didn’t have prior knowledge of the plan to rob the bank and the big downfall of Adams’ denials is the fact that he talks in with a northern accent. Normal people just don’t trust anyone who speaks with a northern accent. That’s just the way it is whether you like it or not. If Julian on Friday was to deliver you any kind of news you’d just roll your eyes in disbelief. Not because he’s a hopeless gayer but because of his accent.
What Grizzly should do is undergo a course of elocution lessons and learn to speak with a flat mid-Atlantic accent like Tony Fenton. Not only would more people believe what he says but he could get sponsorship every time he speaks and give away great prizes when he plays three songs in this exact order, and so on.
In the meantime however he still has to convince people that his political party knew nothing about the Northern Bank raid. If he’s serious about proving his ignorance in this matter I suggest he carry out the following easy tasks and if he completes them without moaning and with a smile on his face then we should give him the benefit of the doubt:
1 - Appear on The Late Late Show in that Jennifer Lopez dress.
2 - Record a version of ‘Save your love’ by Rene and Renato with Dana - complete with tacky video shot in the grounds of Stormont Castle.
3 - Get his car insurance with RAC but modify the windscreen sticker so it reads RUC and drive around Belfast all year
4 - Have Martin McGuinness change his surname to Martin McNewcastleBrownAle
5 - Shave his beard off leaving only a Hitler moustache which must remain in place for at least 6 months.
I don’t think that’s a lot to ask to prove the credibility of a political party that most people think are just a bunch of thugs and liars. Over to you, Gerry.
Scaryduck says:
And what, pray, is wrong with having a Norn accent then?
“Hondootedly Mosses Thotcher…” etc.
They should make all Sinn Fein types inhale helium before they appear on TV, that’ll learn ‘em.
February 11th, 2005 at 11:33 am
Gary Flood says:
Hi twenty
Just so’s you know, you’ve been recommended by the Irish Times. There’s an article about Irish Blogging in the Busines section today. Does this mean you have to have lunch with Kevin “bastards” Myers?
Gary Flood
February 11th, 2005 at 12:11 pm
1
Twenty Major says:
Hey cool, Gary.
I am awaiting my invite to dine at Chez Myers with baited breath.
Anyone with online access to the Times who can post it up? I’m refusing to buy it because of an error they made in the Simplex last week.
February 11th, 2005 at 12:18 pm
2
Fiona says:
Don’t have access but here’s your moment of glory (buried on page 9)
“… there is some excellent Irish work waiting to be discovered.
Rainy day (www.eamonn.com) by Eamonn Fitzgerald is a little heavy on homespun whimsey for some tastes but erudite and well-written. There is perhaps too much focus on foreign affairs at the expense of local comment.
On the other side of the coin, Dervala (www.dervala.net) is an Irishwoman living in the US whose observation resonate with Irish readers.
“Planet Potato – an Irish blog” lives up to its name, with recent comments on Sinn Féin, Eircom and ubiquitous Niquitin ads.
Caustic humour is a rarity among Irish sites, but Twenty Major (http://twentymajor.blogspot.com/ ) is probably the best of the bunch and very local in its focus.
…”
February 11th, 2005 at 12:55 pm
3
Twenty Major says:
Nice one, Fiona. Thanks.
February 11th, 2005 at 1:14 pm
4
Anonymous says:
The Irish Times journalist in question admits to spending a “couple of hours,” maybe more, researching his article. Meanwhile on the letters page Michael Viney boasts of spending two months researching something he wrote in 1964.
February 11th, 2005 at 2:31 pm
5
Twenty Major says:
. Meanwhile on the letters page Michael Viney boasts of spending two months researching something he wrote in 1964.And that was just a thank-you note to his great-aunt for a christmas gansey. Standards are slipping.
February 11th, 2005 at 2:35 pm
6
Tommy says:
Well,Mr Twenty, does this new found fame mean we will soon have to trawl through acres of adds and impromptu visits from equally famous friends.In the great Irish tradition of begrudgery, I hate you already,cunt.
February 11th, 2005 at 2:57 pm
7
ciaran.. says:
Twenty, I want a cut of any advertising revenue you get.
I was a big wheel in the dubloongate saga, and as such demand royalties.
Fiona, why don’t you email me when you’re drunk anymore, you wagon?
February 11th, 2005 at 3:36 pm
8
Twenty Major says:
Tommy - I’ll be looking for a chauffer soon, although you’d be the type of cunt who’d see everything I got up to in the back seat then sell it to the Sunday World.
Ciaran - as soon as the first cheque comes in you’ll have your cut. Honest. *cough*
February 11th, 2005 at 3:46 pm
9
fatmammycat says:
Hey, If Ciaran gets cash I want my share, he wans’t the only one to stem the tide of Dubloonish crapology you know.
Ciaran I really love that expression ‘wagon’ it’s right up there with ‘wear the face off him’ and ‘diddies’. Sigh, I miss school yard slang.
toodles
February 11th, 2005 at 4:39 pm
10
ciaran.. says:
I’m not sure if this is colloquial enough for you, fatmamma, but I recall pulling girls hair and calling them “wench’s”
February 11th, 2005 at 5:06 pm
11
Fiona says:
Ciaran, I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I have fallen on the wagon for financial reasons but I am in the process of jumping off again with a nice bottle of gut rot, to be followed by sniffing glue or shoe polish - whichever is nearer and then to finish the night, puking in an unsuspecting Canadian’s yard. So expect many more evenings of unsolicited drunken shite.
Is ‘wagon’ nice for drunken slapper?
And doesn’t Fatmammy get some of that revenue?
February 11th, 2005 at 7:25 pm
12
Twenty Major says:
Fatmammarycat, I assure you you’ll get just as much as Ciaran gets.
February 11th, 2005 at 8:13 pm
13
fatmammycat says:
Oh Twenty, is only dat were trew. Hum, wenches, I only equate wenches with busty barmaids for some reason, but Ciaran I do remember being in a nightcub in Arklow once and being called a ‘Dirty fuckin’ geebag.’
Which I thought was fairly harsh seeing as the flapbag screeching at me was wearing some kind of sailor suit, which I then laughed at and subsequently had to be hauled out of there by some friend or other before I was lynched. Ahh those were the heady days of fun.
toodles
February 11th, 2005 at 9:00 pm
14
Tommy says:
No,Twenty,the sunday world pay shite, I’d give it to the sun for free.
And whats this new comment page you have here, do all at blogger get one or is only for those mentioned in the times.
February 11th, 2005 at 10:12 pm
15
Twenty Major says:
Everyone gets it Tommy. Except you.
Story of your life I’d say!
February 11th, 2005 at 10:38 pm
16
Mystic mog says:
This from a man who, frequently points out that he has never, in his life had even so much as a parking ticket so “Let me tell you” in the word of my favourite “Rev” if he ever gets one he’ll get life imprisonment !!
February 12th, 2005 at 10:41 am
17
Mystic mog says:
This from a man who, frequently points out that he has never, in his life had even so much as a parking ticket so “Let me tell you” in the word of my favourite “Rev” if he ever gets one he’ll get life imprisonment !!
February 12th, 2005 at 10:41 am
18
Scaryduck says:
Fuck the Irish Times. They want 7 Euro out of me to look at that item. The cunts.
February 12th, 2005 at 11:56 am
19
Mosher says:
Funny. Head for the “mainland” and apparently people trust you *more* if you have a northern accent. Assuming they can understand you.
February 12th, 2005 at 12:35 pm
20