About last night
Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on January 18th, 2005
My mate Stinking Pete came over last night all in a flap.
“Jaysus Twenty”, he says, “I was driving down the road when somebody ran out in front of me and I hit them full on with my Nissan jeep. I think they’re dead.”
“Bloody hell, Stinking Pete” I said. “You really have to be more careful. Did anyone see you?” I asked.
“Nah” he says. “It was a quiet non-residential road but if they’re dead I’m going to go to jail and I can’t go to jail. Again.”
Pete spent some time in Joy a few years back after he robbed a house then tried to sell the stuff back to the owner of the house who happened to be a black belt in Feng Shui or some fucking martial art. Yer man karate chopped him in the bollix and held him till the cops arrived.
“Relax” I said. “We’ll go take a look.”
So we got into my car, thinking it might be best if the murder weapon didn’t arrive back on the scene of the crime, and drove off to where the accident took place. It was a quiet road near the foot of the mountains and there in the ditch lay the still-warm corpse of Pete’s victim.
“Oh bollix” says Pete. “Do you reckon he’s dead, Twenty?”
“I’d imagine so, Pete”, I said. “Do you see the way his head is all caved in and twisted the wrong way around?”
“Yeah” he says.
“Well,” I said, “That’s usually an indication of death. Also, the fact that his intestines have all shot out of his arse is another clue.”
“Fair play, Twenty” he says. “Watching all them episodes of Quincy has really paid off.”
“Hang on” I said. “Let’s find out who it is.”
So I checked the back pocket for a wallet, took it out and found a driving licence. “Mikey O’Sullivan” was his name and he was a traveller with an address at a local halting site.
A TRAVELLER!
“Hurrah!” says Pete. “I thought I’d killed a real human being.”
“You’re one jammy clit, Pete” I said, kicking the body back into the ditch, before we went for a rake of pints.
Anonymous says:
And the Irish wonder why people think they’re all bigoted racists? You and Tommy Tiernan can ram it up yer arses. Peasants.
January 18th, 2005 at 12:48 pm
Twenty Major says:
I’m not a racist. Or a bigot.
I just hate tinkers.
January 18th, 2005 at 12:52 pm
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Anonymous says:
I don’t know if travellers would like to be considered as a seperate race from the rest of us.
They may in fact, find it horribly offensive.
Good one
Ciaran..
January 18th, 2005 at 12:55 pm
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Anonymous says:
Ah, fair enough then. If you could let me know where the humour lies, I’d feel much better.
January 18th, 2005 at 12:56 pm
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Anonymous says:
The racism remark was referring to previous posts, but…
The Roma ARE a separate ethnic group. I also think they fact they live in their own communities, and generally view themselves as separate from society in general, is enough to at least identify them as, if not a separate ethnic group, at least a separate social group.
And just cos they’re tinkers it’s fine to use them as a target for a less-than-witty, mock-the-afflicted, aren’t-they-mingin’ vignette? Humour on this site has previously been in abundance, it just seems easy targets are providing most of the impetus for it these days.
January 18th, 2005 at 1:01 pm
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Twenty Major says:
What humour?
January 18th, 2005 at 1:02 pm
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Twenty Major says:
I was going to use a smelly old tramp instead of a traveller but I had a hard time figuring out a way to get a homeless old tramp halfway up the mountains whereas a traveller was obviously out and about stealing clothes off lines and stuff.
January 18th, 2005 at 1:04 pm
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Anonymous says:
I’m sure I’m being quite ignorant, but I can’t understand why some people defend the travelling community so vehemently.
I mean, even the best of them contribute little or nothing to society.
Their worst, well they’re a shower of evil leeches.
It’s not PC and it’s not nice, but it’s hardly unexpected when they rob, steal, ruin and stab all the fucking time.
Why should 20M, myself or anyone feel anything but utter contempt for the vast majority of them?
Honest question.
Ciaran..
January 18th, 2005 at 1:18 pm
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Anonymous says:
Ciaran - time was, people would have commented similarly on the Irish.
Hey, we all know some travellers are thieves, and some burglars are travellers… But sometimes, JUST sometimes, it might pay to be a wee bit more tolerant.
I was at a Tommy Tiernan gig at the weekend. I’ve previously only seen his stuff on tv, and a few minutes of his videos (which, to be honest, were a combination of very very funny, and utterly utterly offensive). The majority of his show was great, but interspersed with some of the most bigoted material I’ve ever heard. I’m sure he doesn’t regard himself as racist (as, indeed, the large parts of the audience who were rolling in the aisles wouldn’t think of themselves as racist), but the material wouldn’t have found an appreciative audience in, for example, London.
Dubloon was a tit and an eejit, but maybe there was something in what he was saying. Perhaps racism is more widespread than the irish would care to admit.
January 18th, 2005 at 1:42 pm
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Anonymous says:
Ciaran - time was, people would have commented similarly on the Irish.
Hey, we all know some travellers are thieves, and some burglars are travellers… But sometimes, JUST sometimes, it might pay to be a wee bit more tolerant.
I was at a Tommy Tiernan gig at the weekend. I’ve previously only seen his stuff on tv, and a few minutes of his videos (which, to be honest, were a combination of very very funny, and utterly utterly offensive). The majority of his show was great, but interspersed with some of the most bigoted material I’ve ever heard. I’m sure he doesn’t regard himself as racist (as, indeed, the large parts of the audience who were rolling in the aisles wouldn’t think of themselves as racist), but the material wouldn’t have found an appreciative audience in, for example, London.
Dubloon was a tit and an eejit, but maybe there was something in what he was saying. Perhaps racism is more widespread than the irish would care to admit.
January 18th, 2005 at 1:42 pm
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neuro-praxis says:
At least twenty Major is honest enough to post publicly about his collaborations in murders. I’d never have the guts to publicly post about mine.
NO TO CENSORSHIP
January 18th, 2005 at 2:17 pm
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Anonymous says:
I see what you’re saying, however I wouldn’t isolate discrimination of travellers to just Ireland.
I’d suggest that any developed nation with a travelling community will have similar issues.
I realise they were around long before we were anything even resembling a developed nation, but we have to move on.
Their “way of life” just doesn’t work within modern society. And I daresay the modern day traveller is quite far removed from his ancestral “gypsy” type.
As for ’some’ of them being thieves or burglars, well I’d say that “some” is a very light term to describe it.
I’ve no facts or figures, but all you have to do is look at the standard of vehicles they drive to realise that they’re getting by on more than just government handouts.
I don’t see why I should have to tolerate and accept this, because you can be damn sure I wouldn’t be shown the same leniency.
Anyways, I accept that it’s a prejudice I hold, and I accept that not *all* of them deserve my ill-wishings, however a sizeable proportion of them do and in my humble opinion it is the actions of these dirtbags that causes this discrimination, as opposed to my own weak mind.
(Mr Major, I do apologise for having a serious discussion on your site. Don’t know what came over me.)
Ciaran..
January 18th, 2005 at 3:04 pm
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Anonymous says:
Ciaran,
I’m not sure I’d entirely agree with your point that those places with a travelling community would ordinarily share your views. In fact, I’ve always been surprised, when over the water, at the fact that EVERYONE I speak to uses this vernacular when talking about travellers - young, old, even those who would consider themselves massively left-of-centre. I found a not entirely dissimilar state of affairs when in Australia, where those of thirty-five and above, and nominally left-leaning in viewpoint, would regularly refer to the “Abo’s” and their manky ways.
But then again, I’d accept that perhaps “tinkers” are more of a problem in Ireland than here - the girlfriend was regaling me with stories of her uncle who had married a travelling lass, whose step-daughter paid some young guy fifty quid to stab him. Which he did.
Don’t get me wrong (and please don’t ID me as the anon. who has previously been posting on this site - I’m a long-time lurker and havent posted outside this thread), I do like this site. I just think, sometimes, some of what is written is a bit beyond the pale - and risks overshadowing the rest of the stuff ol’ Twenty sticks up.
Ten Benson.
January 18th, 2005 at 3:21 pm
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Twenty Major says:
Be as serious as you want, Ciaran.
And thanks for commenting Benson. How’s the governor these days?
January 18th, 2005 at 4:17 pm
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Anonymous says:
Mr Benson,
Relax, I was pretty sure you weren’t anon3 when you didn’t accuse me of murdering 6 million Jews within your first paragraph.
I think comparing my disliking of travellers with the abuse aborigines experience in Australia is a little unfair.
Ok, there’s similarities, granted, but that doesn’t make my own gripes about travellers any less valid.
Aborigines, I’d imagine, are kept in a kind of perpetual poverty as a result of discrimination, stereo-typing and basic racism.
Plus, they’ve been put in this situation as a result of the actions of white settlers.
Travellers on the other hand (as far as I know), choose to live as they do. I’d like nothing more for them to settle, get good jobs and start making decent money for themselves.
I’m pretty sure the Irish government feels the same way, as they’ve been offered good opportunities to do so recently.
I don’t know enough about all this really, so forgive me if I’m way off.
I’m not a conformist, they’re welcome to wander the ends of the earth, just as long as it doesn’t negatively impact the lives of others.
I wasn’t really aware that they were supposedly a race of their own (Roma), but I’d imagine that its become very diluted over the centuries.
I always considered them as simply Irish travellers, and in honesty, still do.
I should probably do a little more research and drag myself out of this ignorant state, but in fairness all I’ve ever done is made the odd nasty comment about them on the internet.
Whereas, travellers have done some pretty bad shit to me (a mugging and a minor beating amongst other things).
Anyways, I’m not that evil a man and I’d like to be proved wrong about their way of life,
but as yet you nor anyone else has done so.
Not that you weren’t making sense.
Ciaran..
January 18th, 2005 at 4:46 pm
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Twenty Major says:
I’d say the ginger, freckly Irish travellers are worlds apart from the Romany gypsies Ted is talking about.
Anyway, I’m quite sure that the vast majority of people who read this site know what it’s about and I don’t have to explain any further than that.
Strayed too close to their encampment on the Firhouse Road, Ciaran?
January 18th, 2005 at 4:51 pm
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Anonymous says:
Bushy park as it goes. Getting mugged 10 minutes from your gaffe in a plush area is a strange experience.
January 18th, 2005 at 5:01 pm
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Twenty Major says:
And I thought the only thing you had be careful of around there were zealous Our Lady’s girls.
January 18th, 2005 at 5:06 pm
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Anonymous says:
god help us if the two factions ever combine.
god help us all
Ciaran..
January 18th, 2005 at 5:08 pm
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Twenty Major says:
It doesn’t bear thinking about…
January 18th, 2005 at 5:10 pm
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Anonymous says:
Anyway, to bring things back to earth…
Cunts cunts cunty cunts.
Normal service may now resume, Major.
Ten Benson
January 18th, 2005 at 5:36 pm
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Twenty Major says:
I like your cunting style, Tederick.
January 18th, 2005 at 5:49 pm
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Jessica says:
Ah….I’ve just caught up on the posts I missed thanks to the interference of work and holidays. Twenty, and all, how I’ve missed reading…but Dubloon closed down while I was away? Hmph. I missed all the good stuff, it seems!
January 18th, 2005 at 8:27 pm
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Da Goldfish says:
Bejaysus, Twenty, Anonymous seems to be having a field day on your site!
All this talk of ‘Rascism’ can be easily put into perspective once you realise that everybody is a cunt. Everybody. Cunty-cunty-cuntish MacCunts!
Run ‘em all over! Blast ‘em down! Steal their souls, stick ‘em in a bottle and sell ‘em in a seaside gift shop for 48p!
Interesting to note that the more controversial you are, the more comments you get… I must stop being so goddamned nice…
January 19th, 2005 at 12:44 am
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greengirl says:
Travellers aren’t of a different race! I take that as a personal offense ;o)
January 19th, 2005 at 11:44 am
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