€130 to see Elton John

Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on November 20th, 2004

Cripes. I can remember paying £15 to see U2 in Croke Park in 1985 and thinking that was pretty expensive, but €130 to see washed-up old cabaret star Elton? That’s mental. Here’s my list of things I’d rather spend €130 on than Elton John tickets:

- I could get 13 haircuts at my local barber.

- I could buy a pair of top class gardening shears in Atlantic Homecare then pay a tramp the balance to cut my ears off with them

- 13000 fizzy cola bottles

- I could sponsor 2 donkeys for a year and have the donkeys fight to the death in a donkey death match

- I could buy a large bag of coal, start a fire and then catapult the hot coals towards Elton’s head hopefully setting his wig on fire

- I could pay a Taiwanese photographer to follow Elton around all day screaming ‘Yerrow blick load’ at him, making Elton go mad

- I could buy enough sleeping pills to kill myself

- I could get two grammes of cocaine and then kidnap Elton and make him snort the cocaine whilst drinking lots of alcohol setting him a path to destruction from which he’d never recover

- I could purchase the archive pages from The Daily Mirror for the day when Elton married a woman and the whole world laughed out loud.

- I could bribe his chauffer and instead of driving Elton to the concert venue I’d take him Jury’s cabaret and make him perform there in the place of Tony Kenny or Red Hurley.

So many things you could do with €130 rather than spend it on Elton John tickets. Come on people. Spend your money on something good. Not Elton.