Monthly Archives: November 2004
Great Irish broadcasting mistakes – part 1
Picture the scene. It’s a couple of years ago, mid-morning and Pat Kenny, the housewives and old piss-stinking granny’s favourite, is in the middle of his insipid radio show on RTE Radio 1. He decides to play a tune from … Continue reading
Focus on organised crime
I read today that Gardai are afraid a mini-Mafia is developing in Limerick City as organised crime in the town gets stronger and stronger. There was been an upsurge in stabbings, shootings, robbery, rolling people up in carpets and the … Continue reading
My mind is blank
There are days when I have very specific subjects I want to talk about. That might be something current in the news, it might be the latest staggeringly hypocrytical piece of crap to come from the Government, it might be … Continue reading
Sunday
If Sunday is God’s day of rest why do priests show such disrespect by making it their main working day?
80s pop stars and where they are now
I know lots of you, like me, wonder what’s happened to some of your favourite pop stars of the 1980s. In the first of what’s probably going to be an endless running gag here’s some news of a number of … Continue reading
Espresso stories
Espresso Stories is a website where you can contribute stories of no more than 25 words. Here’s mine.
Things you shouldn’t do
- Get very drunk and then agree to drinking a pint of custard in 10 seconds or less as a bet. The €5 you win won’t make your stomach feel like it isn’t gestating some kind of multi-toothed, entrail eating … Continue reading
Bosca – save Bewley’s my arse
No, it’s not an annoyingly homosexual little red haired puppet. BOSCA is the Bewley’s Oriental Saved Cafe’s Alliance. No doubt there were countless committee meetings to come up with a name as garbled and ridiculous as that, but yesterday top … Continue reading
Tell a friend about Twenty Major today
My plans for world domination are going much more slowly than I had envisaged. So if it’s not too much trouble could anyone reading this today please take just a moment to tell a friend about this site. Whether that’s … Continue reading
CHiPs
I see Michael McDowell has launched a whole new breed of Gardai to deal with the carnage on Irish roads. Almost 4345 people are killed daily in road accidents, many of them fatally. So we’re going to get Traffic Cops, … Continue reading
I see Michael McDowell has launched a whole new breed of Gardai to deal with the carnage on Irish roads. Almost 4345 people are killed daily in road accidents, many of them fatally. So we’re going to get Traffic Cops, which will be like CHiPs, except instead of Poncharello and Baker we’ll have Flanaganarello and O’Shaughnessey.
This new police unit is going to cost somewhere in the region of €30m every year on top of €11.7m to purchase the fleet of vehicles needed for these guys and that doesn’t include the €2.3m needed for teeth whitening and Ray-Ban sunglasses.
The introduction of this new unit is yet more proof that the points system is working…*cough*….
Old people are scared to drive above the speed limit and young people are going mad trying to overtake them. Since the points system was introduced deaths on the road have increased but fines for people not driving in an exact straight line have made €34bn for the Government.
Once again I have a much better solution to these problems, one that would save us all money and with these savings they could make a pint of stout affordable in Dublin 2 again.
Let’s say the highest speed limit in Irish roads is 70mph. All you have to do is ensure that no car can travel more than 70mph. Easy, no? It would eliminate ridiculous speeding, joyriding would become far less attractive if you can’t lash around in a Micra going at 110 and accidents on the roads would decrease almost instantly.
It’s so simple even I thought of it. Of course the Government are too busy trying to put old ladies in jail for not having dog licences (I’m happy to report she’s been spared 5 days of lesbian sex as her family paid the ridiculous fine) and trying to think of new ways to spend the €2bn budget surplus that they claim to be surprised at receiving.
Give us some of it back then, you robbing cunts. Anyway, Traffic Cops. Watch out for them, they’re just another money making exercise. The Government don’t care about people dying for the same reason you or I do, they want to keep people alive as long as possible so as to maximise the tax income they receive.
Screw the Government today. Drive into a wall.